The Man Behind the Smile
by Anutheal
Summary: Complete. Hawkeye is having nightmares, BJ and Margaret want to find out why. Hawkeye is then captured by an old childhood enemy and he is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to save Margaret's life: give up his own. HM
1. Chapter 1

**Author: **Anutheal

**Summary**: Hawkeye struggles with nightmares of his hidden and BJ and Margaret are determined to figure out what is causing them. Some H/M romance, Hawkeye is captured by an old enemy and tortured to save Margaret's life.

**Warning: **May have graphic torture in later chapters, mentions of abuse to a minor.

**Disclaimer**: The norm, don't own anything, though I wish I owned Hawkeye teehee but anyway, don't have money so don't bother to sue, you won't get anything.

**Author's Note: **Some character may be out of character, but I tried, some facts may be changed for the convenience of the story... slightly Hawkeye, Margaret Romance.

Chapter 1: The Reason

"Goodnight, Hawk," BJ called from his cot.

"'Night Beej," Hawk replied, he was also in his cot, but far from sleep, fear flashed in his silver-dark blue eyes at just the thought of sleep. He lay back and pulled the cotton blanket up to his chin, determined to look like he was sleeping but staying far from it, but the days events and work overload caught up to him and he eyelids slowly drooped shut.

Nightmares plagued his dream world.

_Daniel Pierce smiled fondly and sadly at his beloved only son. At thirteen he was quite tall for his age and quite handsome, he already had many girls chasing after him and usually he would laugh and tease and flirt with them, but today was different. Today only one woman was on his mind….his mother….who lay cold and still in that wooden box that was closing and slowly lowering into the ground. His eyes, once lit with laughter and joy were now shallow and dark, the silver disappearing into grey and the dark blue into black. _

_"Ben?" Daniel locked eyes with his son, "you okay?"_

_Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce nodded and looked down again, staring at the beautifully carved angels on the coffin, _mom's an angel now, _he told himself staring longingly at the sky, _she will look after me from up above.

_A few weeks later_

_"Hello Benny," Donny Jackson smiled at the boy ruffling his hair as if he was a child._

_Ben shook his head to straighten it again, glaring at the man, he _hated _Mr. Jackson and so did his father, but he was a doctor, his father's partner. Dan acted like he liked Donny and acted well, but Ben didn't even bother to try to hide the loathing look from his eyes. Donny just laughed the look off and turned to Dan, "hey Danny boy, ready to get to work?"_

_They had been working for weeks on a solution for a disease, usually Ben would go and listen out of interest but today was different, _if mom was here, she would never allow them to stay locked up in there with out at least a decent meal. _But mother was dead and she wasn't coming back. Since here death he wasn't the normal boy who laughed and joked and studied for hours after his bedtime reading his fathers medical books, instead he was a cold, angry child, who refused to even look up from his books and less he was forced too, that force usually consisting of a swat on the head and a gently push away from his beloved books._

_Ben sat cross-legged on the floor in the library books open all around him, notebook and pencil ready to make notes. He had pages upon pages of notes about medical history, medical technology, symptoms…etc, etc, etc…._

_He wanted to be a doctor, it was his dream._

_"Hey Benny," Donny said walking in, "care to give me a hand?"_

_"No," me muttered under his breath but stood anyway and walked over to the stack of books that Donny was all too capable of carrying himself._

_"What was that, boy?" he snapped angrily at the 13 year old._

_"Nothing," _

_Donny grabbed him by the back of his shirt and forced him around causing the books to scatter on the floor. He slammed him into the bookshelf, "listen up boy, I have had enough of your mouth,"_

_Ben attempted to fight and swung his leg connecting with Donny's shin, "Damn it, boy," Donny back handed him hard in his cheek and punched him in the stomach. Ben didn't have time to double over, Donny forced him against the wall again, "don't you ever fight like that against any man, you worthless piece of shit, pick up the books," Ben was released and he dropped to all fours, ribs aching, he piled up the books and handed them to Donny who sneered, "one word of this to anyone and your dead," he showed a glint of metal from his pocked and smirking, walked away._

Hawkeye sat bolt upright in bead, breathing heavily in a cold sweat, trembling. BJ and Charles were fast asleep, probably from the alcohol they consumed earlier. He collapsed backwards onto his cot, breathing back to normal, but still shaking. They had gotten worse, the nightmares that is, he's always had them, since he was 13, but they were getting more severe lately.

BJ watched his friend twitch and thrash around in his sleep, eyes tightly shut, trembling and shaking violently, in what looked like fear. Hawk had always had nightmares, every night, unless he was drown in alcohol, which as much as people like to assume wasn't often that he actually got drunk, unlike the rest of them.

Usually his nightmares were just the occasional twitch and thrash and if people didn't know he never moves in his sleep they would just say it was tossing in his sleep, but BJ knew better. Lately though, the dreams seemed to be getting worse, his trembling more violent, thrashing more frequently and twitched often.

Just one night they became severe after receiving a letter from his father they had worsened, he remembered watching Hawk read that specific letter.

_Flashback_

_"Hey Hawkeye, letter here," Radar said handing him the envelope that seemed thicker than usual._

_"Thanks, Radar," BJ wasn't surprised that Hawk didn't crack a joke like he usually did when he was talking to someone; he was already consumed in the letter. Radar disappeared away from their table handing out the rest of the mail. The mess hall was unusually full today; everyone seemed to be there on time. _

_BJ watched his friend read absorbed in the letter, watching a number of unfamiliar emotions cross his face. Emotions that people rarely saw from him, panic, horror, anger, pain and fear all danced in his eyes as he read. Slowly he reread it again and again till whatever it was sank in. In slow motion he closed the letter and put in his pocket staring at the table in an unusual frown._

_"Hawk? You okay?" BJ snapped him out of his stare, his head snapped up the unusual emotions gone, replaced with that smile in his eyes. He grinned his infamous grin and laughed, "Fine," was his only response as his began eating the Mess Hall 'food' again._

_End Flashback_

Hawkeye sat upright in bed, eyes open dancing with fear as he trembled in a cold sweat. BJ closed his eyes again hoping Hawk didn't notice he was awake, the dreams now were obviously getting worse, horribly worse and no matter how hard it was going to be BJ was going to find out why.

**End Chapter 1**

If anyone is actually reading this I am surprised, but please be kind and drop a review, I have chapter 2 written and it is literally ready to be put up, but I won't if I don't get a review so I know someone is reading this.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Letters

Hawkeye was up at four the next morning, an hour before anyone else usually woke up, the rest of his night was snippets but nothing to terrible, nothing he wasn't used too. Before leaving the SWAMP he grabbed a piece of paper and pencil to write to his dad.

He sat crossed legged on a hill that overlooked all of 4077Mash paper resting on his knee. He opened a letter he had received the day before to read:

-Ben

Hello, son, I am afraid I have some bad news, and I hate to open a letter like this, but it is important. Donny Jackson, was released from jail yesterday, he convinced the jury that what he did to you he would never do again. Listen, Ben, I know what you are thinking, he paid the jury or something but it's not true. He doesn't know where you are, he can't find you, and he can't hurt, so please listen to me, don't _do _anything. Just relax, at first I didn't want to tell you, but I thought it was for the best that you know, and didn't find out from another source so please, if you need to talk to someone, talk to me, have Radar hook of a transmit on the radio or something.

Anyway, I hate to drop that on you right away but I didn't want to procrastinate.

I have another letter for you, from Jennie and Dean, will all miss you terrible and can't wait for this blasted war to end so you can come home to us.

We Love You – Dad

That last bit was supposed to be uplifting, but if anything made him more depressed. Jennie was his best friend from school and Dean her husband, he didn't know what he would have done without them for support during High School, or when he mom died.

Hawkeye took out the blank sheet of paper and began to write:

-Dad

You don't have to worry about me, honestly, I am okay. Yes, it was quite a shock when I read the letter, but I got over it, besides with the war and its worst right now we have so many wounded coming in everyday it keeps my mind off of it.

The 4077 is at its lowest right now, medical supplies are low and we are losing more and more patients everyday because we have to save the supplies for those who really need it.

It breaks my heart sometimes to see so many kids being pulled into this war, right now I don't care who wins; lives are being lost unnecessarily. I watch 12 year old Koreans die because we aren't aloud to 'waste' are medicines on them.

But medic reinforcements are coming in, in the next few days things should be better.

Send my love to Jennie and Dean and can you send me some more paper, I am running low, that's why I can't write to them.

As Always, with love - Hawkeye


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The Watch

BJ walked down towards the mess hall hoping to run into Hawk, but to no avail, instead he found Charles, Margaret, and Radar. He put his tray down next to them and sighed, "Have you guys noticed Hawk today?"

"Well of course we noticed him, he never shuts up," Margaret said with a giggle.

"No I mean…" he sighed frustrated, "he seems to be acting different….Hey Hawkeye,"

Hawk plopped down with his tray next to BJ, "oooh….secret conference, can I hear?"

They all laughed except Margaret who glared playfully and moved her tray so she was next to him, it was a well-known fact that the two of them had become very close friends.

They laughed and joked and teased throughout breakfast until the announcement rang that wounded have arrived.

Hawkeye was the first gone as usual, wasting no time to get there, "he seems okay to me," Charles commented as they jogged towards the helicopter.

Hawkeye was already there helping unload the patients and in a flash was at OR scrubbing up.

* * *

After five hours of extensive and tense surgeries the doctors were done for the day until night when they would have to check on patients and the like, "well cats and chicks I'm out," Hawk smirked and disappeared into the SWAMP.

BJ and Margaret watched him go, "I think your right," Margaret said softly so Hawk couldn't hear, they began walking towards the mess hall where food was always ready after a long period of operations.

"Why do you agree?"  
"I know, Hawkeye, BJ, and he just is different, he seems to be hiding it well, I am surprised you noticed,"

"I do share a room with him, he just seems, I don't know tense, he's been having more nightmares lately and…"

"_More _nightmares?" Margaret cut him off, "I didn't even know he had nightmares in the first place."

"Yeah, he's always had them, to most people it would look like he was just moving in his sleep, but I know him too well,"

The noise and smell of the Mess Hall hit them and they found a deserted table away from the noise where they could sit and talk.

"I'm worried about him, B," Margaret said softly, "Really I am,"

BJ smiled softly, he knew how much they really cared for each other, most people thought their 'friendship' was just a physical relationship, but it wasn't.

"I…" she sighed softly and looked at him sadly, "Iknow this would destroy our friendship if I told him, but I... Ilove him,"

* * *

Hawkeye plopped down on his cot with a sigh, he couldn't sleep and he didn't want to eat with his friends they were all staring at him this morning with a weird look that made him want to scream inside. It made him feel like an outcast, but he forced himself into the group none the less.

Sighing he rolled onto his side after kicking off his boots and curled up hands clasped over his ears to keep all sounds away, he slowly drifted off to sleep.

_"Daniel, I have a suggestion," Donny said, "I know how interested Benny is in medical studies and I plan to make a trip to South America for studies, maybe I could take him," Donny smiled at Ben who, deep inside was trembling with fear._

_Daniel rose his eyebrows, "sure, I think it will be alright with me, but you will have to ask Hawkeye,"_

_"Benny?" Donny gave him a warning glare, daring him to say no, out of view of Daniel._

_"I would love too," Ben said smiling as brightly as he could try to look thoroughly enjoyed. _

_"There that's settled," Donny said with a laugh._

_For the next few minutes the two men talked about plans but Ben was too stunned with fear to listen. 3 weeks with Donny, who knew what he would do to him, trembling slightly he sat down._

_"Hawk? You okay, son?" Daniel put a hand to his son's forehead, "you look sick, maybe you should go lay down," _

_Donny smiled with fake concern, "will he be okay to go on the trip?" he gave Ben another sneaky warning look._

_"YES!" Ben said sat upright again trying to look better, "I'll be fine, just a little excited and shocked that's all," he lied quickly trying to hide his fear. He felt horrible lying to his father, but he had no choice. Donny threatened to kill Dan if he did and Ben knew he would do it. _

"Hawk, hey Hawk, wake up," BJ and Margaret gently tried to arouse Hawkeye. BJ leaned over and tapped his shoulder and balked at the response. He tensed and flinched away and his eyes snapped open and relaxed, "is it morning already?" he asked stifling a yawn, "slept through the night?"

"No," Margaret said brushing off the incident, "its dinner you have to check your patients."

"Oh," Hawk responded and was up and gone in an instant.

The duo stared after him as he jogged towards the O.R.

"What was that about," BJ looked at Margaret expectantly.

"I don't know," Margaret responded, "I just…he's never acted like that before, I mean shied away from our touch before."

"Maybe its because of the nightmare he was having," BJ began making his way towards the building.

"He was having a nightmare?"

"Well, when he isn't having a nightmare he doesn't move in his sleep, when he is he sort of twitches and, closes his eyes really tight…and trashes around I guess,"

"How come you have never asked him about it?"

"Well, it never seemed like I needed to, in the days he was fine and happy and the nightmares never were a problem before, but now, its like, I know he was just hiding what he was really feeling that whole time," BJ looked down to the ground in thought.

"What should we do?" Margaret asked exasperated.

"All we can do," BJ looked at Margaret, "is keep watching,"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: The Investigation

BJ and Margaret met the next morning at the mess hall, earlier than everyone else so it was almost empty.

"We need to think of something, Margaret," Hawkeye's nightmare the night before, BJ thought would almost wake Charley, "this is only going to get worse until we do something,"

"What _can _we do? Talk to him, he will just laugh it off, you know that," Margaret was afraid she was just going to watch him slowly sink into depression without realizing. She noticed the symptoms, this happened to her best friend she knew what it was like to go through.

"There has to be a reason for the nightmares, something that caused it, we could talk to Sidney, I am sure he could help," Sidney was a mental doctor that was used to working with these kind of patients.

"I don't know, BJ, Sidney is a good doctor, but for some reason I don't think he could help with this kind of thing, he is a doctor trained to help people through problems in the army, I don't think this has anything to do with the army,"

BJ sighed, "His medical records, maybe he had some tragic accident that he dreams about and maybe something happened to make him think about it."

"Don't you think that's prying?"

"Well, if the nightmares get bad enough, maybe he will appreciate the prying,"

The two stood in front of Radar with a pleading expression on their face, "look Radar, we need those records is important," BJ said looked desperate.

Margaret went into an Officer position, "Radar, I command you to give me those records,"

"But, Major Houlighan," Margaret gave him a warning look, "fine, I don't agree, and I think this is wrong but….fine,"

Radar opened a file cabinet drawer and handed Margaret a large manila envelope with one final 'humph.'

"There ya go, but I want those back in a couple of hours, I can't lose those,"

The duo was already out the door.

"Here we go," BJ slipped the papers out and carefully set them on the table in a dimly lit corner of the bar, "Name: Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce," he read aloud, "Date of Birth?" BJ gave Margaret a questioningly look, "what does that mean,"

"You know, I don't remember ever celebrating Pierces birthday, we have celebrated everyone else's," Margaret and BJ shrugged that off for the time being and BJ continued to read, "Eye Color, Hair Color, Weight: wow he's light, Height: especially for being so tall,"

"Hospital Visits, that's what we need," Margaret took the papers, "listen to this, 1. Age: 15 Case: Severe broken bones (7 ribs, right shoulder, left wrist, right ankle), Fractured Knee, Severe bruising in Collar Bone, Jaw line, slight concussion… the list keeps going on and on," she looked up at BJ who was leaning over her staring at the papers, "he ever mention this many broken bones to you?"

BJ shook his head solemnly, "no, he told me once when we were talking about out families that his mother told him when he is in great pain, think about being unconscious or falling asleep for a long time and you will, but…..I don't know,"

"Here's another," Margaret said, pointing, "Age: 17 Case: Gash in right temple, above right eyebrow, broken right wrist, Cause: Car Accident, maybe….he's dreaming about a car accident,"

"No….I think….I think it has to do with that first one," BJ pointed to the list of injuries, "I don't know why, instinct I guess, but something pretty bad must have happened to have so many injuries,"

"Hey, B, looks like Radar gave us more than his medical records," behind the packet of medical records were what looked like his permanent record, "wanna see what kind of kid our lead surgeon is?"

"I dunno Margaret, that seems almost too much prying," but he couldn't help but grin, what kind of stuff did Hawkeye do when he was teenager?

"Look here, grades, straight A's all the way till high school, he graduated High School at 16, graduated Collage at 21 and was half way through the next 4 years of collage when he got drafted." Margaret rose an eyebrow at BJ, "he was a nerd, but nothing else, one car accident when he was 17, but that wasn't his fault, looks like the driver hit him on purpose as some sick dare," she made a soft 'hm' sound as if she thought that was funny.

BJ went wide-eyed, "let me see those," he grabbed them from her, "look, graduated eight grade at a 4.3 and High School at a 4.6, no wonder he's a doctor, went tested he was in the top 1 of his class,"

Margaret 'woed' and smiled, "look we have to get this back to Radar."

"Let's just hope, no one has missed them,"

Hawkeye sighed and fall backwards onto his cot, it was dark, surgeries for tonight were over, all his patients were in perfect condition and finally he could get, what he called rest.

* * *

_Hawkeye stood like stone in the middle of the 4077MASH camp, everything was quiet and from an outside view, peaceful, but Hawkeye wasn't an outside viewer. _

Something is wrong, _he thought, did he say that out loud? He couldn't remember and at the moment didn't have time to question his sanity. He walked over towards the O.R, the patients were asleep, but something was wrong, he didn't hear the familiar hum of air tubes or the clattering of rats on the outside wall, something was very wrong._

_Slowly and cautiously he stepped up next to the little 5 year old Korean girl who he worked on today, she was going to be fine, or was supposed to be fine, she wasn't breathing._

_"Damn it," he cursed out loud and put two fingers on her throat and two fingers on her wrist, no pulse….she was dead. He choked and backed away and bumped into another bed, a young American soldier, no older than 16, not breathing, no pulse….dead._

_His breathing was getting heavier as he rushed from bed to bed, everyone, children, soldiers, captains all not breathing…all of them, every single one dead. _

_Slowly he backed up into a corner, what had happened? How had he failed? He sank to the floor, trembling hard, tears threatening to over flow and trail down his cheeks, he blinked them away angrily. This was wrong, their not supposed to be dead. He saved them all, yesterday, they were saved, alive and breathing and….they're not supposed to be dead. His breathing was becoming harsh and air was refusing to fill his lungs, the walls were suffocating him. _

_He had to get out; he needed to escape; to get away from this hell whole. _

_Quickly he got up and ran out of the O.R, standing outside the doors was BJ, Charley, and Captain Potter, "Hawkeye?" they said all at once._

_"You killed them, Hawk," Charley said softly, "how could you do that?"_

_"No," Hawkeye said backing up, "no I didn't mean to, please," _

_"Hawk," BJ stared at him with a hurt expression, "they were innocent, Hawkeye, how could you do that to them? They were just children,"_

_Hawkeye backed up till he was pressed against the door, "no, I didn't,"_

_"Look at your hands, son, their covered in innocents," Colonel Potter said with an angry glare._

_Hawkeye looked down they were, he was, covered in blood, his hands were splattered in it, "no," tears streamed down his cheeks and fell onto his bloodied hands leaving clear streaks of white…., "no, please I didn't mean to, I'm sorry…..NO!"_

* * *

Margaret shook her head, she was good friends with Hawkeye to a point where she could loosen up a little when she was around the guys, but today she was worried. Charley, Radar, BJ, Father, and a couple of the nurses were all sitting in the bar with a drink in their hands laughing and joking as if Hawkeye never existed. But he did exist and he wasn't there.

Margaret got up and walked, they were all too drunk to notice her leave anyway. She was worried, after the surgeries Hawkeye cracked a joke and went straight to the SWAMP to sleep, she just nodded knowing he worked hard, but she expected him to come back, so when he didn't she began to worry.

She knocked softly on the door, but there was no response, she knocked again, but no response, very gently so not to disturb him she opened the door and let herself in. Hawkeye was asleep on his bed, half-curled in a ball, eyes closed tightly shut, trembling violently as if cold, but he was covered in a cotton blanket. He let out a soft gasp and thrashed in his sleep, with a soft whimper, "no, please, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry…..NO!" that last word was said loudly lathered in pain and anguish, it snapped her awake. She was at his side in an instant.

"Hawkeye, Hawk, wake up," she tentively reached a hand out to his trembling form and placed it on his shoulder. He tensed and flinched away violently, "no….I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…." His voice trailed into a whimper.

* * *

_The group was slowly advancing on him, Charley was holding a gun, BJ a knife, and Colonel Potter reached out and grabbed his shoulder and began shaking him violently, "Hawkeye," he snapped and it sounded almost feminine for a minute…_

* * *

"Hawkeye," she grabbed his shoulders and gently began to shake him, "Hawkeye wake up, please,"

* * *

_"Hawkeye," _that wasn't Colonel Potter's voice, "_Hawkeye wake up," their faces seemed to meld into one, a feminine, pleading voice…._

* * *

Hawkeye sat bolt upright with a strangled cry, Margaret holding his shoulders tightly, "Hawkeye," his breathing was heavy, eyes filled with silver tears, like he was crying away his eye color.

"Hawkeye," Margaret wrapped her arms around him tightly, protectively, as Hawkeye just sat their trembling violently, teeth chattering as if he was cold, eyes closed tight.

"Everything's gonna be alright, Hawk," she cooed lightly, "its okay, your okay,"

_Everything's gonna be alright, _he thought trying to convince himself, _but was it really?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, we had a power outage, and my computer died for nine days (it was torture knowing I left all of you just hanging there). Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers, I never expected this many in the first place, I thought I would be lucky to get one or two.**

**To the readers of my story: The Different Side, it was taken off-line because I was unaware that you weren't aloud to use song lyrics in a story. So if anyone is interested in reading the rest I have another chapter just tell me and send me your email address and I will send it to you.**

_**Chapter Five: The Arguement**_

"Hawkeye?" Margaret looked at the raven haired man as he did surgery on the patient in front of him.

"Suction," he said as his only response.

"Suction," Margaret responded handing him the tool.

"Alright, this patient is done, can you sew him up?"

"Yes, Doctor," the nurse said as he got a new gown and gloves.

Margaret followed him to help as he cut open another patient, "Hawkeye, don't think I haven't noticed how strange you have been acting,"

"Strange? Darling, I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about,"

"Hawkeye…"

"Enough jabbering," Colonel Potter said, "we've got 2 dozen more patients coming in, step on it,"

The next 5 hours of O.R was hell, losing 3 patients and the rest in critical condition. By the end of it all Hawkeye was in no mood to talk.

He made his way towards the SWAMP without a word to anyone.

Margaret followed him, she wasn't going to let him get away like he did in OR.

_Maybe I'm wrong, _she thought her hand frozen a few inches from the door, _maybe I'm overreacting, and he's fine, I'm sure._

She was about to turn away but another thought occurred, _what if he is just acting…he always seemed good at it…._

Someone knocked and it took her a minute to realize it was herself. She forced herself not to turn away from the door.

"Come in," she opened the door automatically, still berating herself for disturbing him.

Hawkeye was on his cot, propped up on his side, by his elbow, a book open next to him, "Well, hello, Major, what can I do for you?"

_Was that anger in his voice? Major? Something really must be wrong with him._

"Captain Pierce," she responded with a nod of her head, "I need to talk to you,"

"I am truly honored that wish to discuss me," he stood so he was facing her, "but if you will excuse me I would like some sleep," he opened the door and held it open for her.

"Captain this is serious," she slammed the door shut; she hoped calling him by title would snap him to attention, but if anything it just annoyed him.

"I am touched you call me by my title, but if you don't mind….." he opened the door again.

"As matters of fact, Pierce, I do mind, don't think I haven't noticed you moping around here all week, I know something is wrong, so why won't you tell me what?" she slammed the door shut, yet again.

"Moping," he snapped, raising his voice a little, "don't give me that crap, Major, I haven't been moping, and I don't give a damn if it seems like I have so stay out of my business,"

"She raised her voice to match his, "I have every intention to stay in your business until you tell me what give you the right to walk around all depressed, like this war isn't screwing with everyone else's head? And what gives you the right to act as if no one cares about you and they don't notice you're upset?

"What gives me the right?" he repeated his voice dropping to a heated angry hiss, "I just spent 15 hours watching kids die, I spent 15 hours trying to save lives that I know I can't save as the parents watch me with a shred of hope that I can save their child that has no chance to be saved, I've watched day after day people die because I didn't have the power to help them. Do you know what that feels like Major Houlighan? Do you know what its like to have parents watch you as if you're the savior of their kids and then have to watch as I can do nothing to save them? Do you have any idea what it's like to know that you are worth a damn here unless you can kill with a gun or save a child that shouldn't have been hurt in the first place?" He raised his hand to silence her response.

"I don't think you do, _Major_, you have no idea what its like to know you can't do anything to save a child that never had a chance to live. So don't tell me that I don't have a right to be depressed, because if anyone in this camp has I right to than I am that anybody." He spun on his heal and disappeared out the door leaving Margaret to stand there, surrounded by evidence of war, in a dumb silence.

**End Chapter Two:**

**Sorry it was so short, but I couldn't let myself destroy such a dramatic (yeah right) ending. Update soon as I can.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Same old same old, still don't own anything.**

**Author Note: Only got one lonely review for the last chapter and I can understand why…it sucked….but anyway thanks to that one reviewer; this chapter is dedicated to you for doing that. And hey it is a little longer, so everyone should be at least a little happier with me.**

_**Chapter Six: We're Worried**_

Hawkeye stormed out of the SWAMP with angry determined steps with a look that said to anyone, _fuck off, I'm not in the mood, w_hich was an unusual thing for Hawkeye.

His feet led him towards a barren dead field hidden by a hill from sight of the 4077th MASH.

He just wanted to scream to get out of this place, but he knew he had no chance, they would be stuck here forever, and if they do leave where they ever truly forget. His body may go home, but will their minds ever truly leave this place?

Funny thing is that's not what's really bothering him. Sure, the place upsets him, but it's not what has been on his mind for the past few days. Plopping down, he pulled out his father's letter and read it again. He already had it memorized, but he just wanted to make sure he didn't miss anything.  
'_Donny Jackson was released from jail yesterday…'_

Released from jail…..was released from jail……nope. The sentence was plain as day, meant exactly how it sounded. No hidden meaning, no reading wrong, everything was the same as the last time he tried to interpret the letter.

Hawkeye sighed and lay back, letting the cool wind lull him to a doze.

He was just waiting, the wounded should be coming in or someone should be coming to look for him, that is if they really cared, he was just waiting for the sound of –

_ Choppers…._

He was up in a heartbeat, taking off at a jog towards O.R.

* * *

Margaret just stood in a dumb silence for a while, she had never heard Hawkeye blow-up before, let alone loose his temper and she didn't want to see it again for a very long time. It was frightening, if she didn't know Hawkeye well, she might have thought he was going to hit her, but he would never do that, she can't remember a time when he hit anyone for that matter.

She closed her eyes and just stood there. She should go after him, but she didn't want to press him. She knew he would just shut her out, calling Sydney seemed like a good idea, but something stopped her. If he wouldn't open up to his best friends, would he open up to a psychiatrist? She highly doubted it and knowing him he would probably starting putting on some act to ensure people he was alright, even if he wasn't.

_ Choppers….._oh damn it, she thought. She made it to O.R last, Hawkeye was already in with a patient, for that she was semi-thankful.

They only had about 10 wounded so it didn't take long to operate on them and get them into post-op. Most were just minor wounds, nothing too terrible.

Margaret kept an eye on Hawkeye the whole time. He seemed normally cheery, so she was right; he was putting on an act. He was joking with BJ and antagonizing Charles, with Colonel Potter getting annoyed, all usual. Half way through operation though, she caught BJ eye and they both knew that this was just an act.

After operations were finished BJ and Margaret met up outside Post-Op and made there way to Colonel Potters office, "maybe he had noticed," Margaret commented, though she highly doubted it.

Her doubt was proven wrong quickly.

"Yes, I've noticed," Colonel Potter said surprising them both.

"You have?"

"Of course I have, you dunderhead, I've been around long enough to know when someone is flat out lying. Though he's doin' a damn good acting job,"

Margaret smiled, "but what do we do?"

"We can't do anything," Potter said, "he wants us to believe he is alright so if we begin to question him he will just get annoyed," he raised a hand to silence BJ's protest, "now look, I know you are worried about him, but I think for now, we just need to give him some space and he should cool down a little and come back to his normal self."

BJ and Margaret were silent for a moment, "but I'm so worried," Margaret said plopping down in a chair, allowing her profession face disappear revealing a concerned worried woman.

BJ sat down next to her, "isn't there anything we could do?" he asked Potter.

"Just keep your eyes open, if there is a sign of change come tell me as soon as you can,"

* * *

Hawkeye sighed as he sank to the field floor in the same place behind the hill. He was barely visible amongst the grass that surrounded him. Letting out another content sight he leaned back and made a cushion with his hands, he stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles watching the stars come out one by one.

If anyone wonders where he is, they won't find him and disturb him here. _If _being the key word. And _if _they do look for him, he prays that they won't find him here. This is was his sanctuary. Lots of open space, open sky, fresh air…he supposed that maybe he like this place because it was open, he was claustrophobic, severely claustrophobic. So this place was perfect, for him anyway.

His eyes slowly drifted close, so what if he fell asleep? Would anyone think about it to look for him? Besides maybe if he slept out here in the open air he wouldn't have nightmares...

"Haven't seen Pierce lately," Charles said nonchalantly trying not to sound concerned, but he was. Sure he didn't love Pierce, he wasn't his best friend, they could barely call themselves friends, but he _was_ worried. Pierce was not his normal self. Unusually quiet, of course this war got to everyone eventually, even the brightest, perkiest of the group.

But today he seemed his semi-normal self, in a way, he joked and he flirted with the nurses, but he only did a half-hearted job. _He didn't even make a sadistic, sarcastic remark to me…._

"No, I think he was in the SWAMP," BJ said disrupting his thoughts, "not concerned are you, Charles, don't want you going soft on us…

* * *

……don't want you going soft on us…." The attempt at a joke was only half-hearted. It was true; no one had seen Hawkeye lately. _He _hadn't seen Hawkeye and they usually are always together, one with the other, two peas in a pod. But today the other half was missing.

Hawkeye was dreaming…..

_ "Hello, amore," his mother looked down at him as she walked in the front door._

_"Mom, are you sick?" he asked, with a child's innocence. For a minute his mother's smile faltered and she exchanged looks with his father. At the time he didn't understand the looks, but looking back he knew exactly what they meant._

_"Of course not, Hawkeye," she said using his nickname, "I'll always be here for you," that last was a half truth in Hawkeye's eyes. _

_Looking back again, she wasn't physically always there for him, but spiritually she was. _

_**The scene changed**_

_"Hawkeye, your cousins are waiting…." It was there annual family reunion, technically it wasn't a reunion. The family saw each other year round, the only difference was today there was no point it was just everyone get together for a cookout. _

_Every year the cousins had a huge soccer game. They split into teams. Hawkeye was the youngest of all the cousins, but the best, he had a natural talent, they all did really, being a 100 Italian family. _

_**The scene changed again**_

_"Hawkeye, amore, I need to talk to you, inamorata,"_

* * *

"PIERCE!" a voice ripped through the air, jolting him from his semi-good dream. _Potter…._so they had come looking for him. He sighed they hadn't looked here so won't find his secret sanctuary.

"Pierce, where have you been, it's almost midnight," Colonel Potter was ashen white with worry.

Hawkeye cringed, and Potter noticed because he took a deep breath, "we were worried sick, son,"

"I went for a walk," Hawkeye said, which was in fact _half_ true, "didn't notice the time," he offered a sheepish smile.

"BJ and Margaret were about to call in search teams, they we were worried, we all were,"

"Don't worry, _mom_, next time I'll tell some one I'm going," he started walked with Colonel Potter next to him silently, making there way to the camp.

"You alright, Pierce?"

"Excuse me, Colonel?"

"Did you just call me colonel?"

"I believe I did, is that a problem?" Hawkeye quipped naturally.

Potter shook his head, "next thing I know you will be saluting me and actually meaning it."

"Goodnight, mom," Hawkeye said as they reached the SWAMP.

"Goodnight, Pierce,"

* * *

"Damn it," Sherman muttered as he walked towards his tent, "he completely avoided the question."

**End Chapter Six**

**Sorry it was kind of random, but I wanted a chapter that really showed that everyone was worried about Hawkeye, even if he thought they weren't.**

**Italian Note:**

**Amore – love **

**Inamorata - sweetheart**

**Update soon, if anyone out there is still reading this.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything…sigh….**

**A/N: Got a nasty review that said my English sucked and that if I write I should make it good so (not in those exact words but that's how it came across to me) so I changed my reviews from all to Members only. I apologize to all of you that aren't members you can blame that jerky anonymous guy who was to chicken to leave his name or even an email address. So anyway, if you REALLY _REALLY _want to review than you can email me at but I doubt that anyone really wants to do it that bad. **

**Anyway hope this chapter is okay with you, the climax, the big moment, is coming. I give a shot at Radar P.O.V for like 3 sentences and I have never done it before so bare with me.**

**_Chapter 7 the Beginning of the End of Hawkeye_**

Margaret had Hawkeye cornered now. In the scrub room, after surgeries were over, they were the only two left and he was not going to get away from her this time, not like all the other times he managed to slip past.

"Hawkeye,"

"Ah….I see we're on first name terms, again," he said coolly, brushing past her.

"Hawkeye," she said again, "I only did that to get your attention." he slipped past her again and made to open the door but she caught him by the wrist.

Hawkeye tensed under her touch and wrenched his arm away, "so what are you here to yell about now, hmm? Don't like the fact that I'm aloud to be human? Or is it that you don't like me having a chance to be upset?"

"Hawkeye, no, I just wanted to say I was sorry," they both froze.

Hawkeye just stared at her, his face unreadable. She stood waiting for him to blow-up, but he didn't.

Hawkeye looked away and sank down onto the bench and put his head in his hands, "you shouldn't be sorry," he said when she sat down next to him, "I should be, and I had no right to blow-up at you like that,"

"You had every right to," she argued, "I was pestering."  
Hawkeye grinned up at her, "I think you're cute when you pester,"

She glared playfully and smacked his arm, "well than I must be cute a lot,"

They walked out together, Hawkeye smiling his infamous smile, Margaret laughing at him.

It was almost as if they had never fought in the first place.

"Milady," Hawkeye said offering an arm, "may I escort you to your dinner at the Dining Hall,"

Margaret laughed at the fake British accent, "of course, milord, only if you agree to eat with me," for a moment it looked like he was going to honestly refuse but then he smiled.

"How could I deny such a lovely lady," They hooked arms and Hawkeye led her to the mess tent.

"Don't worry, Benny boy, I'm watching you," the man laughed coldly from where he sat perched in a dead tree, hidden by branches, "I'm coming to get you soon, so don't get to relaxed, my revenge will be sweet,"

* * *

Sherman T. Potter watched them from his office with a smile, "he is gonna be alright, I think," he said softly to himself, "Radar!"

"Yes, sir?"

"When did you say wounded were supposed to arrive?"

"Half an hour, sir,"

"Go inform the doctors,"

"Uh…yes, sir,"

* * *

Colonel Potter might have thought that Hawkeye was going to be alright, but I didn't.

When I told Hawkeye they were expecting wounded he got this look, like he was scared or something. And that scared me, 'cause Hawk isn't afraid of anything so if he is afraid should I be afraid to? Call it childhood worship but I still look up to Hawkeye, he's strong.

I wasn't sure if the others noticed they just all got up and walked towards O.R together to scrub up.

* * *

"Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce….you are something indeed….I maybe be 56 years old but I can still get you, just you wait till tonight, that's when the real fun will start."

**End Chapter 7**

**Short I know sorry.**

**Got reviews for last chapter a lot of people seemed to like it, I'm glad because I worked hard on that chapter I wanted to make it somewhat good. So how was my Radar P.O.V I never read Radar fics or wrote them so it was different but I tried.**

**Hope I left it nice and suspenseful…Update soon.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I tried to update quicker, but I had no idea what I was going to write, but here I have done it, I am not exactly thrilled with myself for this chapter, for some reason I had a really hard time writing conversations, but I did it.**

**Disclaimer: still don't own anything, etc, etc.**

**_Chapter 8 It Looks Like Rain_**

Hawkeye found himself at the Mess Hall for dinner, squished in between Margaret and BJ. He sighed and picked at the food and sniffed at it, "why are we forced to try to commit suicide every night?"

Margaret laughed and BJ smiled, it was nice to have there old friend back….

* * *

Hawkeye looked at the two of them as they laughed at him, I suppose everything really is alright, he thought to himself. I mean after all, nothing was really wrong in the first place; I just had a panic attack that's all…

"Suicide? That's my field of work," a familiar voice said.

"Sydney?" The three turned in surprise. Sydney Freeman, the psychiatrist.

"What are you doing here?" BJ said making room for him to sit on the bench, "no one called for you and our weekly 'meeting' aren't until Friday, and in case you didn't know it's only Monday."

"Ah, friends, time for an annual Psycho Test, as I like to call them," Sydney smiled, "HQ wants every MASH unit to be psychologically tested to make sure they aren't suffering form mental illnesses,"

The look of absolute disgust spread on their faces, "don't worry Sydney, we're as sane as we always are," Hawkeye said with a grin.

"Well, then I should have my work cut out for me, considering none of you have ever been sane in the first place,"

They all laughed at that.

* * *

"Hawkeye, your next," BJ said walked into the SWAMP.

"It makes me feel like we're getting our army physicals again," he said standing, "this should be interesting."

Hawkeye walked into the VIP tent were Sydney was.

"Hello, Hawkeye,"

"You know, you make this feel like you are following some sort of time table."

"Maybe I am,"

"Alright, Doc, let's get _this _over with, no offense," Hawkeye plopped himself onto a chair.

"None taken, okay Hawkeye, how have you been, lately?" Sydney said.

"Just peachy and yourself?"

"Really, Hawkeye?"

"Really, really,"

"What do you do when you're not in surgery?"

"Sleep, eat, the usual,"

"That's all, do you talk to people?"

"Okay so I don't just eat, sleep," he could almost sound annoyed.

"What is your normal day at the 4077?"

"My alarm clock is helicopters, I do surgery, I eat, maybe the officers club or Rosie's Bar, and I go to sleep,"

The rest went on as usual; Sydney asking questions Hawkeye answering, with an almost bitter undertone.

"Alright, Hawk, I'm done,"

"So am I sane?"

"As sane as you'll ever be,"

"Thank you, good night,"

* * *

Hawkeye trudged back to the SWAMP, but just before opening the door decided to go for a walk around the camp. Going behind the buildings he walked the outskirts, it was dark and getting chilly. Dark clouds were rolling in as if a storm were approaching.

He made it around the whole camp and was back behind the SWAMP when a sense of being watched, washed over him. He froze, listening for any sound. All he heard was Charles Beethoven from the tent and BJ's and Margaret's muffled voices. Slowly he began to walk again when a hand shot out and clamped over his mouth. He instantly fought, swung a leg backwards and connected. He let out a loud scream and the sound in the tent froze. And soon BJ and Charles were there, fighting to get there friend out of the stranger's grip. Margaret grabbed another attacker, but she was quickly over come.

Two sets of hands shot out of no where knocking out both BJ and Charles. One made his way towards Hawkeye who was still struggling, but a voice stopped him, "don't kill that one, or the girl, he wants them both….alive" that was the last thing Hawkeye heard before darkness hit him.

* * *

Sydney walked towards Colonel Potter's office with heavy footsteps. Everyone was alright, except one. Hawkeye. And everyone who stepped into his room said something about being worried about him, and he knew why.

He walked, "Corporal is Colonel Potter in?"

"Oh yes, sir," Radar opened the door for him and after a nod from Potter was gone again.

"What can I do for ya, Sydney?"

"I want to discuss something with you,"

"Have a seat, is this about that whole test for HQ,"

"Yes, and generally I am worried,"

"About who?"

"Hawkeye,"

Colonel Potter froze behind his desk, then sighing sat down, "what's wrong with him? We've all been worried about him; he's been off lately,"

"Exactly, but why? He looks healthy, he talks to everyone, and then why are we worried?"

"I don't know, you're the mind doctor, you tell me,"

"That the thing, I don't know what's wrong with him, during our discussion today I asked him if anything was bothering him, anything heavy on his mind, and he just shrugged it off, I think he's hiding it, and hiding it well,"  
Potter sighed again, deep in thought, "well, we can't do anything, Major Houlihan asked him about him, and he blew up at her. Something we've never seen from him before."

Sydney was about to answer when a scream of pure terror echoed through the camp.

The two looked up and were gone.

They found Kelly, one of the nurses, behind the SWAMP kneeled over BJ who, by the looks of it was unconscious. Radar was kneeling over Charles, who was also out cold.

"What the devil happened here?" Potter snapped pushing Radar out of the way to check Charles.

"I don't know, sir," Kelly said slightly frantic, "I came to talk to Doctor Pierce about one of the patients and I found these two here, I still can't find Doctor Pierce,"

"I'll see if I can find him, ma'am," Radar pushed through the gathering crowd.

"Alright, let's get these two inside, its starting to rain," and it was, at first it was just a drizzle but soon it was pouring. Nurses came with stretchers and they loaded the two unconscious forms and rushed them to post-op.

"Alright, get back to work," Potter snapped, "alright, calm down,"

Kelly was shaking, "perhaps I'll take over," said Father Mulcany as he appeared and led her away.

Sydney and Potter sat with a drink in Potter's office; Sydney was about to say something when Radar burst in, "sorry, sirs, but no one can find Hawkeye or Major Houlihan."

"Margaret's missing too?"

"Uh, yes, sir,  
"Oh lord," Potter took another swig of alcohol, "our head nurse and our head doctor, either the Koreans want us to stop, or one of them has one hell of an enemy."

**End Chapter 8**

**Wanted to keep it short, I wrote it longer, but then decided I wanted Margaret with Hawkeye when they were taken so I had to do major revision. Update as soon as I write more…**

**WARNING: THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS WILL HAVE VIOLENCE! You have been warned.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: I tried to make this one longer for you guys, hope it's a good length, this so far in my opinion is my best chapter. Also, I do mention illegal drug trading, but no drug usage in this story.**

**Warning: Violence, mild swearing, mentions of drug trade, but only mentions and no drugs are in this story at all, I just needed to add some history for the bad guy. Teehee. **

**Rating: M**

**Don't say I didn't warn ya.**

**Chapter 9: The Questions Begin**

Margaret woke to the sound of loud snoring and after opening her eyes she realized it was her. She didn't know where she was, and couldn't remember what happened.

"Margaret?" a voice said from the far corner. _Hawkeye…._it all came rushing back to her, the sounds of a struggle behind the SWAMP, Charles and BJ getting knocked out and the two of them dragged, "Margaret don't try to move," the familiar voice said again, "it'll hurt….you can sit up though,"

Margaret did try to sit up and it made her head pound, at that moment she noticed him. He was sitting cross-legged directly in front of her. There were shackles around his wrists, that connected to the wall and one around his neck that forced him to sit semi-upright or it would choke him.

"Hawkeye," she said, they were sitting in what looked to be an old cellar, it was roomy, just big enough to keep Hawkeye's claustrophobia at bay, there was a small window on the door, that look to be dead-bolted, "what happened?"

He didn't answer, but turned his head away, he almost looked ashamed, "it's a long story,"

"We might be here a long time," her only response was a shrug.

He was still half-hidden by shadows; it must be light outside do to the sun pouring through the dingy window, "how long have we been here?"

"Since last night, we're being watched, so watch what you say," at that moment the door swung open and she could see him in full light, a bruise decorated his lower right jaw, there was a bloody gash above his right eye. Eyes that were dull and held little or nothing of the lively spark that used to be there.

"Well, well, well," a voice said from the doorway. Margaret couldn't see his face, the sun was blinding her, and "how are we today, Benny boy?"

* * *

**Back at the 4077MASH**

"Get the Daniel Pierce on the phone, now," Colonel Potter snapped at Radar, "I have a feeling this has nothing to do with the war, I want to talk to Pierce's father immediately."

"Uh….yes, I'll have Klinger check on Major Winchester and BJ," and Radar was gone.

Sherman sighed and let his head fall in his hands. He had a nagging feeling that this had something to do with that letter that Hawkeye got a few days back, he wasn't certain but the only way to find out was to talk directly to the sender…as if on cue…"Colonel, sir, Dr. Pierce is on,"

Sherman picked up the line, "Hello, is this a Dr. Daniel Pierce?"

"Yes, who is this," Sherman flinched, if the voice didn't sound so serious and wasn't so deep, it could have been mistaken for Hawkeye's.

"This is Colonel Sherman Potter, of the 4077MASH, I am your sons CO, I am afraid I have some bad news," he spoke quietly he didn't want anyone else to here this conversation. He leaned back in his chair and waited for a response.

"What….kind of news?"

"Well, Dr. Pierce, as of last night your son and my head nurse went missing, we…I have a feeling you can tell me who,"

There was silence on the other end and then a shaky response, "Excuse me?"

Sherman sighed, "let me be frank with you, Pierce…er….Hawkeye, has been out of sorts lately and I figure it's because of a letter he got from you a couple days back, call me an ol' crazy cowboy, but I think that letter is linked to his disappearance, do you follow?"

Daniel Pierce was silent, "yes, I know exactly how I can help you. Please, Colonel, don't interrupt. Hawkeye has tried to keep this quiet for a long time, and he sworn me to keep silent about it too, so please tell only the people you _have _to. When Ben was 13, after his mother died, I had a medical partner, named Donny Jackson,"

"Wasn't that the follow who was thrown in jail for drug dealing in Africa, took some poor kid down there with him and used him as a price?" Sherman couldn't refrain from asking.

"The one and only," Daniel replied, "Ben and I were the ones who found out about the trade and got him thrown in jail, I thought him to be a good man, at the time, a little…different….but never do anything illegal, he was fine surgeon, but stubborn, anyway, the last thing he said to us was he swore to get revenge on us, about 2 weeks ago, he was released from jail, that's what was in the letter I sent to Hawkeye, I think it might have caught him off guard."

Sherman didn't answer right away. He remembered hearing the story on the news about the drug deal and the nameless family that caught him; he would never have thought it to be Hawkeye and his father, that's what frightened him a little. This could be Donny Jackson, but he would be too old to do this himself so who was he in league with, or who did he higher out as help.

"Excuse me, Colonel, is my son….is he alright? Do you know anything? What happened exactly?"

"We don't know, we found two of our surgeons unconscious behind the SWAM….behind Hawkeye's tent and he and out head nurse, missing. They are still unconscious but as soon as they wake up we will know more,"

"Thank you, can you let me know….if you hear anything? Anything at all?"

"Yes, we will do that Dr. Pierce, thank you for the information, with your help; we might be able to find them a lot faster,"

"Thank you, Colonel,"

The connection ended and Sherman was left sitting in his office in silent confusion.

**

* * *

****Back in the Cellar**

"Hawkeye, who is this?" Margaret said the figured has stepped forward, but she sill couldn't see his face.

"Oh yes, _Hawkeye, _who am I? You do remember me, don't you Benny?"

Margaret stared at Hawkeye, she knew him, and so they weren't capture by communists, than who were these people? She was surprised by the look on Hawkeye's face, the twinkle of mirth was gone, his silver-blue eyes, now dark storm clouds. His lips, usually smiling, were pulled into a sneer, he scared her.

"Mr. Jackson, how could I forget, how are your little friends in jail, hmmm?" His voice was even worse, usually joking, or laughing, was now dripping with hatred and disgust for this 'Mr. Jackson.' What Hawkeye said seemed to strike a cord, because Jackson stalked forward and back-handed Hawkeye hard across the cheek. Margaret stifled a scream of terror; the strike didn't seem to affect Hawkeye much. He just calmly turned his head so he was starring directly into Jackson's now visibly black eyes. Without ever breaking eye contact, Hawkeye spat at his feet.

If Margaret wasn't so frightened she would have laughed, only Hawkeye would do something as brave, stupid, but brave, as that. Jackson stared down at Hawkeye with a look of disgust. To most he would be intimidating. He was an older man, maybe late fifties, early sixties, he gray hair that was flat and thinning, black, eyes, and a hard angry expression, his lips always turned into a scowl.

"Still as tough as you were so many years ago, huh Benny boy?" He turned so his fiery gaze rested on her, "but what about your girl here?"

He raised his hand struck her against the cheek, she gasped, that….bastard.

"No!" Hawkeye said without thinking, "Don't hurt her,"

Jackson turned back to her, "no, so I can still hurt you yet hm…what's going to stop me from killing her, Pierce?"

"Don't please," Hawkeye held out his wrists, "kill me instead,"

"No!" Margaret found her self saying and she tried to fight the chains that held her fast.

"Be quiet girl," Jackson snapped at her, "you instead, so let me get this straight, you are willing to get your self…probably torture to death, just for this wench?"

Hawkeye visibly bristled at the word 'wench', "Yes, I am,"

Jackson smiled cruelly, "good, oh guards," he called out and then looking at Hawkeye as if they were best friends said, "they wanted to have showy names, they got me out of jail,"

"Jail?" Margaret asked curiously.

"Oh yes, Pierce, how could I forgot, you didn't want anyone to know about your little experience, well Ms….Houlighan is it? Your boyfriend over here, got me thrown in jail," he looked like he was going to continue but, at that point, two young men, about 40 walked in, dressed in dark pants and a black t-shirt, they were American, they weren't wearing uniforms so why they were in Korea was beyond Margaret, "oh guards, please, take Mr.….excuse me _Dr. _Pierce here to his cell,"

The duo unchained Hawkeye except for his hands, but Hawkeye wasn't going to go easily, "promise you won't hurt her,"

"Now, Pierce don't you trust us?"

"Promise," he said again more firmly. Margaret didn't want Hawkeye to do this, she could live with the pain, she hoped.

"Hawkeye, don't,"

"Jackson," he said ignoring Margaret protest.

"Alright, Pierce, your lass here, will be perfectly alright."

Hawkeye still didn't move, so one of the guards, who Margaret named Porky, due to his size, punched him hard in the back, forcing his feet forward.

They were all outside the cell except for Margaret who was still sitting chained to the wall, "not don't worry, Margaret Houlighan, your boyfriend won't get hurt….too much," and than the door closed and everything was dark.

**

* * *

****Back at the 4077MASH**

"Colonel Potter, BJ and Charles are awake,"

"Oh bloody hell," Charles moaned from where he was sitting with an ice pack to his head in post-op on an empty bed. BJ who was sitting on the bed next to his, smiled, don't worry, Charles, you should have a nice little scar, to attract the ladies."

"What! Why you…."

"Boys, settle down," Colonel Potter said walking in.

"Colonel, Hawkeye, is he okay?"

Sherman sighed, "We don't know, son, we hoped you could tell us what happened behind the SWAMP?"

"Well, Margaret was in the SWAMP with us talking about Hawkeye, we were worried about him," BJ started also holding an icepack to his head, "we heard someone struggling outside and found a bunch a guys all dressed in black, but they weren't Korean we could see there eyes, holding Hawkeye down, so we got tossed into the fight and we were knocked out and that was about it,"

"You say these fella's weren't Korean?"

"No, white as chalk," Charles said, eyes half-closed with pain, "where's Margaret?"

Sherman looked down, "missing along with Hawkeye,"

He then related to the two of them only what Daniel had told him.

"You think…..Donny Jackson?"

"All we can do it hope that it's not that,"

**End Chapter Nine**

**Thanks all for reading this chapter, I did reread it, (not to thoroughly, but I tried) to check for grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes, etc., etc…**

**The plot I hope is going okay; I was having lots and lots of trouble writing Daniel Pierce's and Colonel Potter's phone conversation. **

**I want to thank one very nice reviewer who stood up for me in protest against that rude reviewer. Thank you, if I thanked you the last chapter (I can't remember if I did) than thank you again. **

**I am taking off the members only thing, just because I do think its kind of unfair, I just needed to do that, to reassure myself I suppose, but it is now back to all reviewers welcome. **

**Update soon or as soon as I can. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note: Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers, I felt so special, I got so many.**

**Warning: Violence, again, the next few chapters will have violence so you have been warned.**

**Author's Note again: I'm not sure about what they call army police, I was writing this chapter and it totally slipped my mind and I didn't want to wait any longer to put the chapter up because I thought I might loose you guys, so here you are, you will have to make due with my calling army police, just police. **

**This one is shorter I know, but I couldn't help but end it were I did, it made it oh so suspenseful.**

**Now on with the story.**

**Chapter 10: The Price of Drugs**

**Hawkeye's Cell**

Hawkeye was dragged to an empty room, completely empty, no chains or rope no nothing. Cement walls, cement floors, and that was it, well the door of course. The guards pushed him down so he landed hard on his knees, but he wasn't going to take that. As soon as his knees hit, he spun around and kicked out with one leg, sweeping one of the guards, Wheezy, of his feet.

Before he could do anything else, three guards rushed in and pinned him down. One punched him hard in the stomach and again in the back.

Hawkeye took the beating quietly, refusing to scream, until finally all he could do was curl into a ball and wait for it to stop.

**Margaret's Cell**

Margaret found herself, alone, in the dark damp cell, well alone, except for the rats and who knows what else. She was worried, but that didn't stop her from thinking logically. Jackson, through in jail about, must be about 20 years ago. Jackson….who was thrown in jail named Jackson. The memory was stirred. She remembered her parents talking about it, she was only 11 and wasn't that interested but she remembered. He was some drug dealer in….where was it? Brazil….Africa. Took some boy down there with him, some family, what was the name? Oh well, caught him had him thrown in jail.

So why would Jackson be after Hawkeye, was his family the family that got Jackson thrown in jail, it only made sense, but that was a little shocking.

Their captures weren't Korean, so the police wouldn't be much help, that is if the 4077MASH called the police, and she hoped they didn't. That would just bring too much complication into this.

They were American captures, one by the name of Donny Jackson, assuming it was the right Jackson, who hired out other men, probably other jailbirds, to capture Hawkeye and her, but why her?

Her first guess was because she was close to him, but if someone was looking at them from an everyday point of view; it might look like they hate each other, but if Jackson has been spying on them than he would know they were close friends.

So to narrate things, the captures were Americans, who wanted revenge on Hawkeye, so they captured him and her so they could use her as bait. Made sense….but that got her to no conclusion about how to get out of this place.

**4077MASH**

BJ and Charles were up and about in a few days, but none were happy. The whole camp had heard the story about a hundred times, just to let it sink in. None of them knew, except BJ, Charles, Klinger, Radar, Father Mulcany, and Colonel Potter, that the captures were Jackson, assuming of course that it was. They all knew that they weren't Korean, but they kept Daniel Pierces wishes and only told Hawkeye's close friends.

The camp was depressed, O.R, sessions were silent, after two days Colonel Potter called a meeting. After they were all assembled, without many words, he began.

"I have decided not to call the police," the words were met by silence so he went on, "They would ask too many questions, and after learning that the captures weren't Korean, they might not do anything about it,"

Silence.

"So what are we going to do?"

"Anything we can, and that means searching for ourselves, the old fashion way," he pulled out a bundle of maps, "these maps are covering about 50 miles, this unit in the dead center,"

"And assuming, this is Jackson," Charles broke in, "than he won't have moved far,"

"Why not?" That was BJ.

"If my calculations are correct, which I know they are, than Jackson must be at least in his late fifties, which means he wouldn't have the mobility, necessary to cover so much distance, no offense, Colonel,"

"None taken, Winchester, but you do make a fine point,"

"So where would he be?" That was Father Mulcany.

"With his back to the wind," they all turned to Klinger; he had been silent the last few days, so to hear him break the silence was odd.

"What do you mean?"

"It's an old saying, 'travel with your back to the wind', it means, he would away from danger, so away from the Korean lines, south of this unit, and someplace hidden." They all stood and leaned over the maps, "look here," he pointed to a clump of trees about 2 miles south of camp, "this is a perfect spot to hide people, no Americans are stationed here, if the maps are up to date, and if my math is right, and its five miles away from the Korean line, so he would have a less chance of running into any Koreans there."

They all went into a contemplative silence, "Well golly, that's a wonderful idea,"

"I agree lets go," Charles stood and was followed by BJ and Radar.

"Wait! We can't just go gallivanting out their, like a bunch of dunderheads, we have to keep this quiet, act like this conversation never took place, I'll think about this and see what we shall do, dismissed," Colonel Potter ended the meeting, though they all left in some what higher spirits.

**Back at the Cell**

Hawkeye woke with a groan, slowly to not irritate his wounds, he rolled himself onto his back and just lay their, catching his breath. _That was one hell of a beating, _he thought to himself. Ironically it didn't hurt as bad as he thought it would. A couple broken bones, bruising here and there, he would live. Taking a deep breath he sat up, _damn, _he was back in the cell with Margaret, who by the looks of it was unconscious or asleep; it looked to be the latter when she woke after a moment.

"Hawkeye?" she asked groggily, then he realized she was no longer chained, he just prayed that she didn't have to go what he went through.

He one-handedly crawled over to her, being sure to keep his right wrist, which was sprained, cradles to his chest. She met him half way and he collapsed into her arms, breathing heavily from the effort to move so far.

She scooted backwards until she was leaning against the wall and Hawkeye was resting against her, "well Hotlips, I didn't… expect our first date…. to be like this," he said between gasps.

"Oh garbage head," she joked half-heartedly, "Hawkeye…." Her voice trailed off, "what's going on?"

Silence. he said slowly, "a long story,"

"We might be here a long time,"

At first she thought he wasn't going to answer, but he did, "remember….Donny Jackson, and went to jail….20 years ago?"

"Yes, I assume this is the same Jackson,"

"It is," he stopped for a moment, he never really told anyone about this, not even Trapper or his friends back in Maine, or BJ or anyone, only his father and close family, which there weren't a lot, knew, "he was my father's medical partner…he had been for a couple a years, we didn't really like him but he was a damn good surgeon," he stopped again to catch his breath.

"Hawkeye, if it's too hard to breath, stop,"

He went on anyway, "he was an okay guy, I never like him, hated him really, and I showed him that as much as possibly, never trusted him either, he would take long breaks in work and come back smelling like smoke, I knew he was a drug addict. I called him on it once," he leaned his back and closed his eyes as if remembering, "we were in the library," he took another breath, "he was smoking something, he saw me and hit me," he stopped again, "he threatened to kill my father if I told him about anything, of course I listened I was ten, he could do it to,"

Margaret watched him, his eyes were clenched shut, weather in pain from the wound or his memory; she wasn't sure.

"He never hit me again, apologized the next day, I didn't buy it, I just hated him more, for being such a fraud, a few years later my mom died, he used mock me when and I were together and my father wasn't around, I was just the Italian boy, who wasn't worth anything after his mother died. My father became sort of…distant. That was just another reason to taunt me, Jackson told me he just didn't want me anymore and there were times that I believed it."

He stopped again and she could tell, talking was becoming painful, he looked at her and his eyes were distant and reminded her of a lost child or a pet left in the rain, he looked away and stared into space as he continued, "a few days later he told my father that sense I was becoming so into medical studies that I should take a trip with him to South America to study medicines there, well we didn't go to South America…..remember that boy who Donny Jackson to took Africa for a price for drugs?"

"Yes…."

"That was me,"

**End Chapter 10**


	11. Chapter 11

_**The Man Behind the Smile**_

_**Chapter 11**_

_**Set Into Action**_

The 4077MASH was solemn, O.R sessions were unusually quiet, without Hawkeye's jokes and passes at the nurses, the mess tent was no different. Some of the nurses even admitted that they missed Hawkeye chasing them. Their percentage rate dropped as a whole, they were loosing more patients and it had come to a point where they needed replacement doctors, something they hoped to avoid.

Radar was refraining from calling the General so he was calling individual doctors. After hours on the telephone they had secured two young surgeons, who weren't interested in why they needed a replacement only what they were going to be doing and the pay.

Colonel Potter than called another meeting. After everyone was assembled in the SWAMP, he began, "I know the past few days have been hard on you, hell it's been hard on me,"

"Colonel," Charles said, interrupting, "if we are planning to go after Hawkeye and Margaret than we need to go soon, who knows what torture they have had to endure, we can't postpone this any longer."

"Charles is right, Colonel, we have to find them,"

Colonel Potter smiled sadly, "we can't all go," he said.

"I can stay behind," Radar said, "I would only slow you down anyway,"

"I will too," Father Mulcany, seconded, "I am not one for violence and some one will need to be here to talk to the rest of the camp."

"Yeah, what are we going to tell them?" Klinger said; he was actually in uniform.

"I have thought of that, BJ and Charles had an emotional breakdown and I am escorting them to see a psychiatrist,"

"What!" Charles and BJ exclaimed.

"I can think of a hundred questions they would ask,"

"Don't worry, Hunnicut, I called to an old friend, Sidney Freeman, he's going to come down here, proclaim you unstable and send you to a hospital for further treatment, he will stay here to talk to the other personal."

"I'll stay behind too," Klinger said, "a lady shouldn't be trekking through wilderness,"

* * *

Hawkeye had either passed out or fallen asleep, cuddled next to Margaret who was wide awake, still in somewhat of a shock. He was the little boy who was kidnapped and taken as a slave trade to Africa…. 

How could he do it? She wondered how he could be so happy, joking and teasing and yet have this horrible nightmare haunting him. That's it….she thought, that's why he was distant….everything at that moment seemed to click. The nightmares he was having, why he was so upset. Donny Jackson escaped; he read it in the letter he got from his father. He always had nightmares, so he was always bothered by it, but he never let it show. He hid himself behind his jokes and womanizing ways…so was this the real Hawkeye?

Do they really know him after all? Is he really, a womanizer, who jokes all the time and can't take anything serious? She remembered times when she thought she saw the real, emotional Hawkeye. When Tommy Gillis died at his table. Hawkeye didn't know she was there, but she saw everything, or when BJ had a break down about his wife and daughter, he was there to comfort him, or even when they were in the cave, he was claustrophobic, he let his fear show through his jokes, even if he tried to hide it.

Hawkeye stirred slightly in his sleep, was he having another nightmare? Was he reliving his kidnapping or his beatings in Africa…..? She tightened her grasp on him and he snuggled in closer.

"Hawkeye," she said softly, more to herself, "I know you can't here me, but I want to apologize. All those nasty things I ever said about you, all the things you had to survive through, I don't think you would believe me….but…" She trailed off, "Hawkeye…..I…..love you….."

Hawkeye stirred slightly, "Margaret," he muttered softly.

"Hawkeye, you're awake,"

"Margaret….." he didn't open his eyes, just snuggled in even closer, trembling slightly, from the cold cell, "I love you too,"

Minutes passed in silence before a soft knocked interrupted it. A sliver of light appeared behind them, some one was pealing away a piece of wood that was used to cover a whole, a familiar face appeared and a gruff voice said, "Well, I hate to disturb such a lovely moment,"

Margaret's face darkened……Jackson was back.

* * *

"Well, hello there Sherman, long time no see, eh?" 

"Good to see you Sidney!" Sherman and Sidney Freedman stood in front of the Officers tent, making it a point for him to be seen for the benefit of their ruse,

"I'm sorry about what's happened Sherman, so where are my patients,"

Sherman's face fell, "in the Officers Club, drinking away, things just aren't the same, Sidney,"

Sidney and Sherman made there way to the Officer's Club where they found BJ and Charles in their positions, "Well, Charley Chester, he's gone,"

"Right as always, B….Hunnnhuck…" Charles took another swig of whiskey, "an he back…..jusss…the two of us, now," his worlds were unusually slurred and he looked disoriented.

"Well 'ello Sidnnnaaa……hey Charlie looks a like uhh…..Potta got ussss a shwink."

After a few minutes of this rambling Sherman and Sidney managed to usher them out of the club and into the SWAMP.

"I have never, in my entire life," Charles spat out dropping the act, "felt so disgusted, degraded, publicly humiliated,"

"Careful, Charles, you're bald spots going red with anger,"

Charles rounded on him, "Charley Chester? If you even think of calling me that again I will personally see that you are ground into a dust,"

"Not now, boys, we have to start this." Sherman said, "I am going to go out their in a few minutes and tell everyone that you are going to be sent to a hospital and Sidney is going to stay to talk to some of the others. Don't worry though, you won't be sent home because of this,"

After about five minutes of small talk Sherman put on a grim face and made his way outside a moment later an announcement came on, "Attention all personnel, Captain BJ Hunnicut and Major Charles Winchester III will be escorted to Tokyo for extensive clinical depression taking there place will be…." And then he went on to list 3 young doctors ready to work.

"Well," Sidney said, "put on those drunk faces as I escort you to the truck,"

Charles sent them a sour look as they staggered out arm and arm.

**End **


	12. Chapter 12

Authors Note: a wee warning, some torture **next **chapter, I will try to handle it as best I can and not make it too graphic.

_**The Man behind the Smile**_

**_Chapter Twelve_**

_**For Hawkeye, It's the End**_

"Well I hate to disturb such a lovely moment," Jackson said from the whole in the wall, "I was investing the building making sure it was secure, Wouldn't want your little friends to find this and help you escape, so I thought it best to close it up,"

"Go to hell, Jackson," Margaret said slammed her fist over the whole making him jump. Hawkeye was awake now and pushed Margaret out of the way.

"I keep looking at you through something, Jackson, how come you can never talk to me face to face,"

Jackson froze, "you'll regret that,"

Hawkeye didn't even flinch at the threat, Jackson shot him one last sneer before closing the whole back up and they were again left in darkness.

A few moments later they could hear footsteps making their way towards them. Hawkeye tightened his hold on Margaret and positioned himself so he was slightly in front of her, "Don't worry," he whispered into her hair, "I won't let them hurt you,"

* * *

They looked like boy scouts; hiking through the woods; BJ, Charles, and Colonel Potter. Armed with nothing but Potter's pistol, BJ's knife and Charles' Antique English hand gun that "hadn't been shopped since the Revolutionary War"

"According to this map," Potter said staring at the fork in the warn path in front of them. "Were in the woods, where we expect them to be, and if Klinger's reasoning is right he would go south…Let's go,"

**A Few Hours Later**

"It's almost dark, we've been tramping in circles, Colonel, and I suggest we stop,"

"BJ, Hunnicut is right, we won't do Hawkeye and Margaret any good if we get ourselves lost,"

"But we can't just abandon them!" BJ cried out, outraged at there easy manner about stopping, "who knows if there hurt? For all we know they could be dead!"

"Hunnicut, I understand, but if we get lost we won't do them any good,"

"We're lost already so what difference does it make!"

"Because it's dark and we could wander into North Korean territory and get ourselves shot, Gosh darn it, and we won't do them any good then!"

BJ froze, "I know…."

They camped under a tree, and they were miserable. The ground was cold, and it have began to drizzle fairly light, even through the thick canopy of browning trees, but by the time they settled in, they were soaked.

"Charles," BJ said when they were all laying down in a triangle, "you don't really hate Hawkeye do you?"

Charles did that annoying mocking laugh, "I hardly think this is the time to be-"

"Because if you really did hate him you wouldn't agree to help look for him,"

Charles didn't respond, "Yes I know what you mean….you're right….well good night gentlemen," a few moments later soft snores were emitting from the blankets.

"Colonel?"

"Hmmm…."

"Do you think we'll find them?"

Potter sighed, "I don't know, Hunnicut, hope that Father is praying for us, because….I don't know,"

* * *

"Rise and shine, Winchester," the trio was groggily rising with the sun.

"You cads," Charles hissed, "slowly rising to his feet. They feasted on cold "sausages" and "cheese" and then set off again.

"All the trouble we have to go through just too…"

BJ cut him off, "stop grumbling Charles," and they continued.

* * *

"Colonel, not to be a damper in our…'light spirits' but we've been walking around in circle for hours," Charles said as they stopped in the middle of a worn path.

Potter didn't respond. He just stood there with a concentrated look on his face, "We're getting closer,"

"How can you tell?"

"Listen."

They did, the woods were silent; unusually silent.

"Someone's near by?" BJ inquired.

"Yes," Potter said lowering his voice.

"Well then, let's go," Charles said; anxious.

They didn't have to walk long; about a mile up the path they found a building. The center look looked like an old bomb shelter, have of it was underground the other half above, made of metal, judging by the color. There was a hollowed out side of ground next to it, were a door was leading up stairs into another building, this one wooden. It was large, two stories high not counting the floor that was half under ground.

No sound was coming from the formidable building – which wasn't a good sign.

The drizzle had finally stopped, they were semi-dry now and the sun had come out. It would look welcoming if they didn't already know what they would find inside.

* * *

"So, Dr. Pierce," Jackson said coming into their cell, "I think I'm here to take you up on your offer…You give your life up for this wench here, she goes free once your dear. Sound like a plan?"

Hawkeye met his eyes, "Promise not to hurt her and you have a deal,"

"Hawkeye no!" Margaret said from behind him.

"Pierce, haven't we gone through this already?"

"Promise," he said again, trying to ignore Margaret's vain attempts and stopping him. For being so thin, he was stronger than he looks.

"Alright, alright, I promise,"

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"Ben," he said as if he was disappointed, "as long as you have known me, have I ever killed anyway? Don't answer that, I haven't. I just like to torture them – listen to the screams – don't you understand, it's all for the sport of it."

Margaret semi-broke away from Hawkeye's protective grasp, "Sick bastard, you need help, you psychopath,"

Jackson just laughed, "Well, Pierce, it's time to go," two guards came in tentively and it looked to Margaret like they didn't have a good encounter with Hawkeye last time, one was sprouting a black eye and favoring his wrist, the other was limping and looked like he was trying to protect his groan area. Margaret would have laughed if it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation. Margaret watched him get pulled away, her shoulders drooped, but she wasn't the only one watching. Three others watched as well.

* * *

BJ was having a panic attack, "He's going to get himself killed, you heard him, He's going to get himself tortured to death. We have to go get them out of there," he jumped up from where he was in army crawl position to look through the window.

"Hunnicut, keep your voice down do want to get us caught?"

BJ froze, "we have to at least save Margaret," then he added to himself in a whisper, "then at least he can try to save himself."

**End Chapter Eleven**

Sorry for the delay, I have been having trouble with my computer, homecoming was yesterday so we were busy with spirit week last week, and I had to work with the parade and the football game I had to play at for band.

Look at authors note at top of page for warning.


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors Note**: Just to let you know, there is some torture in this chapter, I had a warning last chapter but incase you didn't notice I am reminding you again.

Another thing I would like to thank **_Hawk's Soul, _**she gave me great inspiration to write this chapter and it really touched how concerned she was for Hawkeye and I want to let her know if she is reading this that I promise I won't kill off Hawkeye…..yet wink, anyway on with the story.

**The Man behind the Smile**

**Chapter 13: He Might Survive, But We're Not Sure**

Margaret was sleeping, or she thought she was. She was standing in her wedding dress; at the alter; a man stood next to her. She couldn't see his face, but she knew who it was. She was still amazed at how skinny he was, "I do," he whispered softly and turned to face her.

Margaret smiled, "I do," she repeated, they leaned into to each other, their lips were inches apart, "Margaret," he whispered softly, "Margaret," slowly he seemed to pull away, he was shaking her gently, his face was melting away to look like someone else's.

"BJ?"

"Margaret, come on, wake up," so it was a dream, she sighed disappointedly. She opened her eyes, there standing above her was, BJ, Charles, and Colonel Potter.

"Come one, Major," Colonel said wrapping his arms around her shoulders and slowly pulling her to her feet.

"How did you get here?"

"We'll explain later," BJ said, putting an arm around her waste to help steady her.

"Hawkeye, we have to save him…." She muttered, barely coherent.

"Not in that condition," Charles said taking Colonel Potter's spot in supporting her, "you need food and water, before you do anything,"

"We have to get you out of here, we found an empty hallway, apparently there all away from there posts," Potter led them back through winding hallways and out the back door and it was surprisingly easy, no one was there to stop them, no guards at the door or anything.

"We have to get him out of there," Margaret wrenched herself away from the rest of them, "he's gonna get hurt, we have to help him,"

"Margaret, we don't know if there's anything we can do," BJ said, "eat something and we will try, we promise,"

Margaret grudgingly sat down and ate, they were right, she would only be a nuisance if she couldn't do anything.

She ate in record time and was up in an instant, "so what's the plan?"

"We have to get a bearing of the how the building is formatted first," Potter said, "we need to see how bad the situation is first, then we will go from there,"

* * *

Hawkeye was dragged into another room, he literally went down kicking. By the time they had him changed to the wall, three men were unconscious and one was doctoring a sore….groin area.

"Well, you certainly weren't going to go down easily," Jackson said from where he was sitting casually in a wooden chair in the corner. He crossed his legs and stared at Hawkeye for a minute, "so how are we going to do this Benny boy?"

"Don't call me that," he said through clenched teeth, "it really gets on my nerves."

* * *

"Here," Margaret said, she was looking through a three foot high window, inside was Margaret and Hawkeye starring at each other, "that's sick," she said. Hawkeye was on his knees, his arms forced behind him, chained. BJ, Charles and Potter, crouched to look too, "Quiet," Charles commanded, "I think they're talking,"

* * *

"Why should I call you that? Let me guess, brings back unpleasant memories of you….former masters,"

* * *

"What is he talking about?" Charles and BJ said looking at Margaret.

Margaret didn't answer, "I think it's best that he told you when he gets out of there,"

* * *

Hawkeye glared with venom, "you heartless bastard,"

"Ben…..anyway, let's got on with this, shall I torture you to death or do you want to make it quick and easy….and painless?"

Hawkeye locked eyes with him, but didn't answer they just sat there having a staring contest, Jackson was the first to look away, "Alright my chose," three guards walked into the room, one crouched down next to Hawkeye and pulled out a dagger.

* * *

Outside Margaret gasped in horror and buried her face in Sherman's shoulder.

* * *

The man gently ran the dagger along Hawkeye's jaw line slowly drawing blood, Hawkeye flinched lightly but nothing more, sending the man a disgusted look he spat on the ground in front of him and whispered heatedly, "Traitor,"

"Witch," the man countered and then back handed him hard against the cheek then punched him again in the stomach. Hawkeye doubled over, but he could go far do to the new chain around his neck that held him in a semi-upright position.

* * *

"We have to go get him, Colonel, please," Margaret begged him watching with fear in her eyes as three men began beating Hawkeye relentlessly, "please,"

BJ and Charles exchanged looks, "we'll go," BJ said, "you stay out here and watch out backs."

* * *

BJ and Charles silently made there way there way through the halls, the only sound coming from the forbidding room where Hawkeye was being held captive.

"Charles…you're smart….do you think there's a chance we can save him?"

"Honestly, Hunnicut, and this is the only you will ever hear me admit this and you better not breath a word, but….I don't know,"

"So what's the plan? Barge in there like a pair of idiots, think this out logically? You're the expert right?"

"Don't start with me, Hunnicut, but now that you mention it I do have a plan…"

**End Chapter 13**

**Short I know, but I am trying to work out some kinks in my plot and I am trying to work them out. Again thanks for all reviews. Update soon.**


	14. Chapter 14

Authors Note: this STILL ISN"T the end, I have a couple more chapters, sorry it took so long, my computer crashed we had a virus had to get a new computer, save all my files, finally got the cast of my finger (that hurt a lot) so everything is good now.

Hope you like.

Chapter 14

The Most Dangerous Game

"So what's your plan, Charley?"

Charles didn't respond at first, "It's dangerous, but….her it is…"

* * *

Hawkeye bit back a cry of pain as the boot connected again with his already sore ribs. He moaned and went limp in the chain. He almost instantly regretted that, pain seared through every part of his body, mostly his wrists were the chains had rubbed them raw and his neck where the chains had caught off his breath.

"Give up yet, Benny boy?"

Hawkeye coughed, a trail of blood dripping down his chin from his split lip, "no,"

"This is actually quite funny, doctor, you're so good at saving people, yet….you can't even save yourself."

"Sir, we found something," a guard said rushing in, Jackson saw the panicked look on Hawkeye's face, "bring them in,"

"Get your grimy hands off me!" a familiar voice said. Hawkeye began struggling, it was Charles.

Charles and BJ were pushed into the middle of the room.

"Charles Emerson Winchester, if I presume," Jackson said.

"The III if you please, nice to meet you Mr. Jackson, this my partner BJ Hunnicutt," Charles extended his hand and they shook, Jackson somewhat confused, "now I heard you had new slave stock, I thought you might be interested in doing some business,"

Margaret balked, "are they insane?" she hissed at Potter, "they're going to get themselves killed,"

"Quiet Margaret, I think they know what they are doing….at least….I hope they do,"

"Business?"

"Of course!" BJ said, "Slave trades here and there, buying off each other,"

"Hunnicutt," Charles snapped, "excuse my partner, he is a little over enthusiastic,"

"Oh course, but I'm still a little confused. Aren't you friends with my captive here,"

"Don't be absurd," Charles said, "you know just as well as I that our…business…isn't looked upon as highly as most, it's just an act m'dear," BJ looked over to Hawkeye and their eyes met, "just an act," Hawkeye nodded slightly.

"You traitorous bastards," Hawkeye hissed, they all turned to stair at him. He fought the chains viciously, his eyes wild with fury, "is there anyone else I should know about who is in on this? Or is just you two, filth?"

"Guards….quiet him."

A guard unlatched the chain around his through revealing nasty bruises and raw skin and hit him hard in the head, knocking him out.

BJ flinched lightly but covered it quickly with a smirk, "you're awfully easy one him…he would have had a terrible beating if we was a slave of the people we sell too,"

Jackson smiled, "of course,"

* * *

"Colonel, do you think Hawkeye really though they betrayed him?"

"I don't know…but if he didn't believe them that was one hello of an acting job,"

* * *

BJ and Charles were soon seated in another room waiting for Jackson's arrival.

The room was almost welcoming, a merry fire place; a fire already burning – three comfortable chairs, the walls were wooden decorated with pictures of children.

"I wonder who they are," BJ said quietly still trying to get the image of the broken unconscious Hawkeye out of his head.

"They're my slaves, all the ones I've sold, bought, you name it…" Jackson said walking into the room, watching BJ study the room with a wary eye.

"Here is your…friend," Jackson handed them a black and white picture, "ten years old, 3 days after his mother died." Hawkeye was young, sweet and innocent, but looked sad at the same time. His hair was longer, about to his ears; strands fell in front of his eyes giving him a haunted look a small smile played on his lips. His arms were wrapped around a short pony; his face half buried in the animals neck.

"Cute kid," BJ said, smirking sadistically, or trying to at least.

"Indeed," Charles said glancing at the picture…he looked sick. Both of them had mentally come to the same conclusion…Hawkeye, a long time ago, but at one point, was a slave.

* * *

Margaret and Potter were watching the unconscious Hawkeye impatiently, "where are they?" Margaret whispered, "Where are the guards?"

Colonel smiled gently, "let's go,"

"What?"

"You want to rescue him don't you?"

"Well…yes but"

"Then let's go, no guards, no Jackson, it's an open opportunity"

Margaret stared at him, "you're insane,"

"I'm as crazy as a bucking' bronco, more reason to go, no cowboy would bother with me,"

* * *

Hawkeye was slowly coming back to reality, he was in pain…everywhere. And on top of the physical pain was something he was oh so familiar with…the felling of defeat. Charles and BJ were trying to save him, but Jackson would see right through them. Margaret…he didn't even know where she was, probably long gone…or dead.

He didn't eve know if BJ and Charles were trying to save him, for all he know they could really be slave traders and that look with BJ was just another act, like they said, trying to get to him or the orphan kids or something.

"Hawkeye," a soft female voice said, she sounded like his mother. A cool hand pressed to his forehead, "he's burning up, probably from shock, we have to get him out of here," it could be his mother, the accent is gone.

"Come on," another voice said, this one low and gruff. A moment later, the chains around his arms were undone and he fell to the ground in a crumpled heap.

"Good thing we got the key off those guards, we would never have gotten him out," that was the woman, she sounded so familiar but he couldn't figure out from where. He tried to open his eyes to look at the savior but it was blurry, and it hurt too much. He felt arms wrap around his shoulders and he cried out, that hurt.

* * *

Margaret instantly regretted touching him, he flinched at the contact.

"Colonel, will he make it?"

"I don't know, we need to get him out of here,"

Charles and BJ smiled, "it's a done deal then, 500 dollars for the slave Benjamin Franklin Pierce,"

"Done," Jackson said, smiling, he was slightly disappointed that he wasn't going to get to watch his slave die, but that's what happens when you're a slave dealer. He knew Hawkeye was going to die either way. The poison that was on the end of the dagger was already seeping into his body, causing hallucinations. They would have a hell of a time trying to heal him. Jackson smiled at the fake slave traders. Yes he knew this was a plan, that wasn't working, they had no chance, even if they got Hawkeye to safety. He was going to die either way.

TBC

End of Chapter 14

Don't worry it isn't over yet.


	15. Chapter 15

**Yes I am actually updating. Take that Hawk Soul, told you I would sticks out tongue childishly just kidding. **

**This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful reviewer Hawk Soul, if you haven't read her stories yet you should, they are bloody fantastic. All Hawkeye focused and everything.**

**Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers, you guys are amazing. This story has a couple more chapters. It's not over yet.**

**Chapter 15**

**A Race to the Finish**

Jackson was gone in minutes, packed up with his guards out of the house…gone. Charles and BJ met up with the others in the cell minutes after his abrupt departure.

"We have to get him out of here," Margaret said, "can one of you carry him?"

"He's skinny, I bet even Radar could if he tried," BJ bent over and slipped his arms under him and lifted him up. Hawkeye let out a strangled cry, eyes screwed shut in pain. Margaret flinched and turned to Colonel Potter who let her cry into his shoulder, "yeah, he's light," BJ said, "too light,"

"How are we going to get him back? We can't carry him the whole way," Charles said still refusing to look at Hawkeye.

Colonel Potter sighed, _they must have left a jeep or something, anything…._, "Winchester, look through the house and see if you can find anything that will help us contact the MP's, a radio something, Margaret, look outside and a little into the woods for a jeep, they must have gotten here some how. BJ let's get him outside see what we can do about his wounds."

They all went there separate ways, Margaret some what reluctantly.

"The Major sure has grown attached to Captain Pierce here," BJ said with a smirk as he set Hawkeye gently down on the grass.

Colonel Potter smiled, "opposites attract you know,"

* * *

Charles trudged through the house slowly, stopping every now and then to steady himself, the images of all those slaves making him dizzy and sick. _Get a hold of yourself, you're a Winchester. You can handle this. Even Hunnicutt wasn't this affected._

_Or maybe he is better at hiding it. You're so weak._

_No, never, Winchester are strong in mind, we don't sink to that level. _

"Charles!" Charles jumped at the sudden shout of his name, and turned around; he was still standing in the hallway that led to the upstairs.

"What is it Margaret?"

"I found a jeep; let's go….are you okay? You look sick,"

"I'm fine, let's go," he insisted and they both took off to find the other three.

* * *

"Damn…." BJ said looking away, eyes closed. Hawkeye was in bad condition, and that was understatement. His chest was decorated with cuts and bruises, BJ could tell just by looking that ribs were broken, who knew how many. His wrists were rubbed raw by the chains, his left shoulder looked dislocated. That was only the beginning of the list.

* * *

Sherman sighed; this is what happened when people like Jackson are let out of prison. Why they even let Jackson out of prison was beyond him. "This looks infected," he said softly studying the gash on his cheek, "it almost looks….oh God…."

"What?"

"Poisoned….those damn bastards, they really have it in for him,"

"Poison, what kind?"

"I don't know the name, some poison from South America, causes fevers, hallucinations…."

"Colonel!" Margaret said running up, "there's a jeep,"

"Thank God….lead the way Margaret,"

She did just that, they found the jeep hidden behind a group of trees.

"Got a key?"

"No, sir, there was none, can one of you hot wire it?"

"I can," BJ said as he set Hawkeye down in the back, causing him to moan in pain.

Five minutes later, they all managed to squeeze in. Colonel Potter driving, Charles in the passenger seat, and BJ and Margaret squished in the back with Hawkeye, "this is one lucky day,"

**Back at the 4077th MASH**

Radar was pacing, _geez; I hope they get back soon….and alive…_

Radar froze in mid step….choppers…... "CHOPPERS!...doctors we got CHOPPERS!"

The two replacement doctors weren't bad doctors they just weren't used to working at such a fast pace, so things moved slow. By the end of the O.R. session, they had 12 patients but it took 6 hours. In the process of the six hours they lost 2 patients.

Radar slammed the clipboard on his desk and through himself on his bed.

"Radar!" Radar groaned.

"What is it Klinger?"

The MP's say there is a jeep coming in to our camp fast…they'll be here in 20 minutes at most.

Radar jumped up with a whoop. T_hat had to be them…they got them…., "_come on Klinger, get to beds ready in post-op, they're gonna need it, go…go…"

Klinger huffed at him and stomped off muttering something about 'pushy Iowan brat,'

**Back with the Other Gang**

It took them five hours at top speed to reach the 4077th.

"I don't think I have ever been happier to see this wreck," Charles said as they passed underneath their, 'Best Care Anywhere' sign.

They had made it, all of them had made. Hawkeye and Margaret weren't dead; they had rescued them. Hawkeye was still alive. They had to operate on him fast. Otherwise, the time they had taken to rescue him…would be a waste.

**End of Chapter 15**

**I know what you are thinking only 935words or something like that, it's short, but the next one I promise WILL BE LONGER!**

**I don't really like this chapter, but I needed a chapter that would get our loveable gang home so I could torture them some more…hehe….you will just have to wait to find out.**

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

**I know, it's been a while, but don't worry this one I think is longer, word wise anyway. This is to HawkSoul, one day earlier than I said, ha. Not sure if I can pull of another chapter for the other story, but I'm working on it. **

_**Chapter 16**_

_**He's a Fighter**_

"Well….Radar," said Colonel Potter with a solemn look in his eyes, "it's over…"

"You mean…Hawkeye?" Radar was panicked. Colonel Potter had spent over an hour on Hawkeye in surgery, "is he….is he dead?"

"No, Radar, but these next few hours….they're gonna be hell,"

* * *

Margaret, BJ, and Charles were all stuck in post-op, none of them pleased, "this can't be good," Margaret sighed, "it should take this long,"

"God, I wish I knew what was going on in there," BJ then stood and peaked through the window into O.R, when dove back into his bed (he and Charles were ordered into a post-op bed by Sydney for stress relief, Colonel Potter blatantly refused)

He made it under the sterile looking white sheets just as Colonel Potter waltzed in.

"Well," Colonel Potter sat down at the foot of Margaret's bed as a deafening silence ensued, "I honestly can't say if he will make it," the red stains on the white gown told them the story, "the next few days might be critical,"

They all sat in silence, "Colonel, I think it would be best," Charles said in a grave voice, "if some one contacted Pierce's father, he did want to know if anything at all changed, I think this should be considered, such,"

"Good idea, Winchester….I guess I have to go do that now, I am his CO," he wasn't looking forward to it, "by the way, Hawkeye will is in the private section of post-op,"

* * *

Minutes later he was in his office, holding the phone as the out of tune rings, connected him with the Pierce house.

"Pierce Residence,"

"Yes, Dr. Pierce, Sherman Potter again,"

"Hello, Colonel….you have news for me?"

"Yes, I do. Being a father I know how worried you must have been, but he's alive, and you're a doctor, aren't you?"

"Yes, Colonel, is my son all right?" The concern in Daniel Pierce's voice was growing.

"I can't say that just yet, Dr. Pierce," he then retold the story of everything that happened, leaving out a few _minor _details, "you should be damn proud of your son, Dr. Pierce,"

* * *

On the other end Daniel sat down in a kitchen chair with a swoosh, and smiled, he was alright. As a doctor he knew what 'critical condition' was, which was the state his son was in now, but Hawkeye was a fighter, he wasn't going to go down easily.

Apparently though, this Colonel Potter hadn't heard the whole story. He knew his son well and without a doubt, he told Major Houlighan what happened, it was just something he would do.

"Dr. Pierce,"

"Oh yes, forgive me Colonel, I was just a little shocked," he choked back tears that were threatening to fall.

"I understand, Dr, you take it easy, I will call you as soon as something changes,"

"Thank you Colonel,"

The line went dead.

Daniel Pierce knew without a doubt, his son was not going to whisper another word about what he told the Major to anyone else. He was probably regretting right now telling the Major anything, that's just how his son was.

He was poisoned though…a hallucination, his son was a fighter.

Slowly he shuffled up the stairs of the old wooden house, the stairs creaking with every step, after quite a journey up and a brief rest at the top he made it to his destination, the attack. Deep in the corner, he found what he was looking for, an old wooden treasure chest. Locked and dusted, but he had the key, he already knew what he would find inside, the same thing he always found, nothing changed.

Thousands of pictures filled the box, mostly of Hawkeye and his mother, but some with the whole family. Humming softly to himself (which he found came much easier knowing that his son was alive and safe) he ruffled through the box of memories and pulled out an old photo album.

Inside was a picture of the four of them. Himself in the middle (this was 15 years ago so a much younger self) with his arm slung over Donny Jackson in a friendly manner, bother smiling at the camera, his right arms wrapped around his wife who had her back turned slightly away from him, so she wouldn't have to look at Jackson with a forced smile, and then in front of his mother was young Hawkeye, looking thoroughly pissed off. A small sarcastic smirk (he had that mastered a couple of months before) mocking the happy looks on Jackson and Daniel.

Daniel felt a pang of guilt for trusting that sick bastard. He can't even remember what he was thinking when he aloud Hawkeye to stay with him, but this would have the desired effect that he wanted on Hawkeye. Flipping the picture over, and in the right corner he quickly scribbled "tell them or you'll regret it" and nothing more.

After shuffling back down into the kitchen he retrieved an envelope and after boldly writing the address sent off with the post.

* * *

BJ and Charles were playing cards; that's the one thing that told you, they were bored and worried, they were actually participating in some form of recreation that called for some sort of conversation amongst the two parties participating.

Margaret wasn't doing anything really, unless you count jiggling her foot rapidly against the end of the bed and making a rhythm out of opening her book closing it looking at both doors and opening the book again, as something, than she wasn't really doing anything.

"Margaret, is it really necessary for you to constantly shake the end of your bed?"

"No, but that doesn't mean I can't do it," she hissed back at Charles in disgust.

"Guys, please, Charles it's your turn, Major, please, care to join us?"

Margaret looked like she was going to refuse, but after sending one more glance and both doors gave in, "fine, what are you playing?" she climbed onto the end of BJ's bed so she could better reach the table that was between the bed's.

"Rummy,"

After minutes of silence she through her cards onto the table, "I can't do this,"

Charles let out a frustrated sigh, "then neither can I,"

Just at that moment Father Mulcahny came rushing in, "praise the lord, you're all alive," he then proceeded in saying a separate prayer for each of them, "we were so worried, how is Hawkeye, I hear he is not doing well as the rest of you,"

"No, Father, he isn't," BJ said, "I would talk to Colonel Potter though, he has all the details," BJ then sent a knowing look towards Margaret who looked upset and gone sort of an ashen color.

"Thank you, BJ, it's wonderful to have the three of you back, you know, the Lord is with all of you,"

"He just needs to be with Hawkeye right now, Father," Charles stated, surprising them all.

"Of course, Major, he is,"

**End Chapter 16**

**TBC**

**I tried at Daniel Pierce, I don't think it worked to well, I think I wrote him to old and senile, but I can't seem to fix it no matter what I do. **


	17. Chapter 17

**This is Charles focused, I know, not the point of the story, but I felt like I did Charles a big disservice when I never explained why he was so upset about finding out Hawkeye was a slave so this is a little chapter about him, don't worry though, we go into Margaret's feelings and Sydney is in it too! Thanks to KK Duke for her suggestions. **

**I would also like to say to HawkSoul and her friend "who was nagging her" do NOT worry, it will come into play but you have till next chapter or the chapter after that same with the hallucinations, though there might be a treat at the end of this chapter. )**

_**Chapter 17**_

_**In the Mind of a Winchester**_

Margaret stayed up all night until she finally got permission to sit with Hawkeye (she had not seen him yet). He looked bad. Both of his wrists were bandaged, the one on his right arm going up to his elbow. There was a thin line of stitches in the gash on his jaw line and forehead. His bottom lip was still split and slightly puffy. The skin on his arms that wasn't covered by bandages was bruised. The worst looking injury of all was the bruised and raw skin around his neck from the chain. Chocking back tears she fell into the chair next to his prone form. She let her hand gently rest on his slender fingers, but couldn't help but let a tear slip when he flinched away from her touch.

According to Colonel Potter, the poison will not only cause hallucinations, but has the risk of temperature swings and difficulty in breathing. She let out a shaky sigh and rested her head next to his on the bed, prepared for the long wait that lies ahead of her.

………

"The camp is in an uproar Sydney; I need you to calm thinks down a bit,"

"What else am I here for, Colonel?" The psychiatrist sighed deeply as he left the old Colonel to his thoughts. He was right; of course, the camp was in an uproar. The optimistic glad that they were all back safe and the pessimistic worried that Hawkeye was going to die, then there were the ones that had no idea what to think, whether they should rejoice or be afraid. Being a psychiatrist this was his job, he had to tell them what to do, which was going to prove to be very difficult. He, himself, didn't know what to think or do.

………

"This is degrading," Charles snapped at the enthusiastic BJ, "publicly humiliating. A Winchester does not need to be mentally examined. I am perfectly healthy in my head, and don't know Freedman to go poking and probing in my thoughts,"

"Relax, Charles," everyone in the camp has to go through it," they were both sitting in the swamp, after finally being released, but neither were happy, "Starting with Margaret, then me, then you, then Colonel Potter, and I can't forget to mention the rest of the camp in its entirety."

It was rather depressing really. Charles felt like throwing up every time he looked at the empty and still unmade bed, of Pierce. Maybe he did need some one to talk to after all.

He left BJ in the middle of a sentence and walked off. Pierce was a slave and the idea made him sick…literally. He practically ran to the latrine and emptied his stomach for the second time that day; this reminded him of a familiar memory.

……….

_He was 7 years old; his father (he was not familiar enough with him to call him Dad) was watching the boats with him as they came in on the ocean into the harbor._

_"Father," Charles whispered excitedly, latching onto his father's hand, "look," he pointed to as the ships came to a stop and they began to unload, the people first. He watched with fascination as people of all classes came off onto the dock, some wealthy some dressed in only rags._

_"See those people in rags, Charles?" his father said pointing to the smelly looking group._

_"Yes father," Charles wrinkled his noise in attempt to copy his father's disgusted look._

_"Those are slaves, they're illegal here in America, but people bring them from all over and they don't have a citizenship so no one even knows they exist."_

_They turned away from the ships, their sails lowering as the crowds disappeared, they walked for a while before reaching the street where a cab waited, "Father, can't we walk home, it's such a nice day,"_

_Winchester Senior wrinkled his nose, "you walk, if you think it's so nice," he snapped and the cab drove off leaving the wide-eyed 7-year-old behind. _

_He did not mean to upset his father, and looking back on it now, he was only a block or so away from his house, his father was just teaching him a lesson that he learned quickly, never suggest anything to Winchester Senior. It made his father feel as if he was being question on his motives._

_The 7-year-old looked around, trembling. It was almost dark; he was still standing on the side of the road._

_"'Oiy there?" a female voice said in surprise when she bumped into him._

_He spun around quickly. There was 'one of them'; she looked to be his age, maybe a little older. She was tall, and if not for the vile smell and the ragged clothes she would be pretty, "sorry there," she said in a distinct Scottish accent._

_She got a good look at him then looked sheepish, "I mean, sorry, sir, that was clumsy of me," she tried to walk on, but he stopped her._

_"Wait, uh….help me please," he sounded so childish._

_She looked at him for a moment, "help? You lost, eh?"_

_"Yes, please I got lost," he said, it was still getting darker; the sun was dipping down behind the buildings. _

_The girl's green eyes and red hair glistened in the stray rays of the setting sun._

_Looking him up and down, she smiled, "sure, find you a nice copper you can talk to."_

_They walked back towards the boats not talking. They soon reached where the police were guarding the boat entrance, "you better go ahead," she said, "I'm an immigrant 'member, they don't like my kind, 'sides, my master will be expecting me," she turned as if to leave._

_"Thank you," he called out after her retreating back._

_She turned and smiled at him and in that brief moment he was in love, "I'll be back tomorrow, meet me here, alright?"_

_He nodded, dumb-founded._

………

He smiled remembering, she did keep her promise, everyday, minus Sundays, they met at the dock and talked, some times they walked sometimes they just sat and watched the steam boats and the cars go by. He remembered every time she came, she had a new bruise. Sometimes a black eye, a split lip, she never mentioned it and neither did he. It was an untold fact that she was a slave, an illegal immigrant that people brought over to sell.

The only time that she ever implied of being a slave was when he speculated about how skinny she was. She told him her 'master' gave her a pill to make her skinny. Charles new now that he was a doctor that some pills (very cheap medicine) causes people to loose their appetites and after doing some research he found that master's often gave their slaves these pills so they wouldn't have to feed them as much. It was much cheaper and very cruel. It often destroys a person's eating habit for life.

He shuddered as his stomach emptied again, the same thing happened to Pierce and he never knew. He may have acted different towards him if he knew, but Charles knew Pierce would never have breathed a word. Often times she would try to hide her bruises, she was ashamed and so was Pierce.

………

Margaret woke up to a movement above her head. Slowly coming too, she looked up to see a very distressed Hawkeye. His eyes were clenched shut and he was shaking.

"Hawkeye," she whispered, "Colonel!" she screamed as he began to violently thrash. His breath was coming in short gasps.

A moment later Colonel Potter rushed in, he grabbed Hawkeye's wrists to force him down.

That just upset him more. A second later he was kicking his legs, screaming, trying desperately to get out of Potter's grip.

BJ was there in a second, holding down his legs, "we're going to need to sedate him, MARGARET!"

Margaret was already there. Ripping the sleeve off Hawkeye she slid the needle in. A moment later Hawkeye went limp.

**End Chapter 17**

**Yeah I got it up, not sure if I liked how I wrote Charles, he seemed like he was from the 1800s or something, but whatever. I will update as soon as I can and for those of you who read my other MASH story, it will be up in a few days at least. I am having a little problem getting inspiration so if ANYONE has ANY ideas, please tell me I can use as much help as I can get.**

**Update soon. **

**Or I'll try to anyway.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello again, I know some people are really interested about the little thing I mentioned way back when, in some other chapter about Hawkeye's weight and birthday. I semi-implied the bit about the weight last chapter, but don't worry that isn't all of it. It will be mentioned again, but in later chapters, I am waiting for a certain moment…you'll see. Though I am glad those of you who questioned me on it, still remember it. I was afraid when I wrote that chapter no one would catch it, so I'm glad you did. Anyway, thanks to my entire reviewers last chapter and on with the story!**

**Chapter 18**

**The Torment Begins**

"It was the beginning stages of a Hallucination, we will have to keep close a close eye on him," Sydney explained after hearing the story relayed many times, "I suggest some one should be with him at all times,"  
Colonel Potter nodded solemnly, "I understand, Sydney, thanks, again,"

Sydney smiled as he pulled himself into the jeep, "I wish I could stay longer, but they need be back in Seoul, I will come back as soon as I can," he grabbed Potter's hand and shook it warmly, "good luck, Sherman, Lord knows you're going to need it."

……..

Margaret was still at Hawkeye's bed, now sound asleep, head resting next to his limp hand, her own resting lightly on his elbow. That was how BJ found her when he came to relieve her and she wasn't moving.

"No," she groaned softly pulling away from BJ's hand.

"Margaret, you can't lay here, night and day, you need to get real sleep, in a real bed," she cracked her eyes slightly to study him, "I promise, it there's any change, you will be the first to know…next to me that is," his eyes softened, "look, I know you're worried, but he wouldn't want you to run yourself ragged like this, it's not doing him any good is it?"

Margaret sighed and stood, stretching her arms and yawning as she did, "wake me up for the next watch,"

"Uh-huh," BJ said shaking his finger, "Charles, has the next watch, then one of the nurses, then you again," he smirked, "you have a good 12 hours to sleep,"

She glared, "fine," and stalked out again.

BJ just smiled sadly after her, she was really worried about him, Hell…they all were, but they weren't the ones Hawkeye was willing to give up his life for.

………

Margaret ran into a group of nurses as she made her way to her tent.

"Oh! Major Houlighan, how are you?" It was Kelly.

"I'm fine, thank you, now if you will excuse me…" she tried to brush past the group of girls.

"Wait Major, how is Hawkeye? I heard he wasn't doing so well," Margaret froze.

"He has made no sign of improvement," she didn't see the point in lying to him, "they're not sure of his chance for survival," she felt tears spring to her eyes and pushed forward again, it was true. They didn't know if he was going to live.

………

Hawkeye was dreaming.

_"Sit down, boy," _

_He did._

_"Now," Jackson smirked at the trembling 11 year old, "now…now…now," he slapped the palm of his hand with the cane at every word._

_"Where are we?" Hawkeye ventured, which earned him a strike across the cheek with the steel tipped cane forcing him out of his chair and into a pathetic heap on the floor. _

_The cane connected with his back again, tearing into his flesh._

_Curling himself into a ball, he cried, "Shut up, boy," Jackson hissed between his teeth fighting the strain of swinging the weapon, "you're a slave now, slaves. Don't. Cry,"_

_The beating stopped and Hawkeye was released into the small hut that served as his cell/living quarters._

_The guards savagely threw him up, but Hawkeye didn't move from where he was lying in a pathetic heap of his own blood and tears._

………

Charles watched the nightmares plague Hawkeye's sleep with worry and a borderline feeling of guilt, just thinking, that maybe he could have done something so long ago to help his Irish friend, anything to stop the terrorism that has been going on for so long, that still is going on.

Hawkeye was tense and shaking, but according to Potter and Freedman, nothing could stop the effects of the poison. The nightmares would come for a long time and so would the fever; which had already come. Late at night, he would be burning and then as morning woke the camp the fever broke only to start again as the sun disappeared again.

The prone figure in front of him let out a soft moan of pain, his eyelids clenched shut, trembling lightly from the sears of pain running through is body. Charles sighed, bringing his hands to his face he rubbed his eyes forcing them open and himself awake.

"Not falling asleep on the job, are you Winchester?" Charles head snapped up to stare in annoyance at Colonel Potter.

He laughed lightly, "you're turn, then you can't tell me how easy it is, when you have to sit up for 4 hours watching absolutely nothing,"

Colonel Potter smiled, "you get some rest, Major, wounded are expected in a couple of hours,"

Charles made a noise that could almost be interrupted as a growl.

"Good night, Major,"

**End Chapter 18**

**Really short I know, but I wanted to get it up because it's been so long, so there you go. Thought I would get a little more in depth with the poison so I'm working on it, I am rewriting my story line a little so I can get my plot straight, _I am having a minor case of writer's block. I know what I want to write, I just can't seem to write it. So if anyone has any ideas or who could help at all, feel free to tell me! Thanks!_**


	19. Chapter 19

**Still short, but I like it this length.**

**Chapter 19**

**Blank**

Some was calling a name, "Hawkeye," the voice was feminine, filled with concern and love. He smiled whoever this Hawkeye was, he was one lucky guy, wait wasn't he Hawkeye, he couldn't remember anymore, but he had a distinct feeling that he should know this voice, or at least be familiar with it, but he couldn't seem to recall where he heard it before.

"Hawkeye, please, Hawk, please wake up," wetness dripped onto his hand, tears, Hawkeye was one lucky chap, this girl was crying over him obviously.

………

"Hawkeye," Margaret whispered again, this time desperately, he was so close to waking up, so close, "please Hawkeye," tears were falling harder, gently she placed a hand on his slender fingers, that was one thing Jackson didn't take away from him, his hands weren't broken, that would have destroyed him.

A soft moan of pain caught her attention again, "Hawkeye, please," he voice failed her again.

Silver eyes starred her in confusion and Margaret felt her heart skip a beat, "you my God," she whispered and through her arms around him, he tensed instantly.

………

His sense flared up and he fought her, he didn't even know why, he didn't know her, but something told him that she was going to hurt him and he had to keep her away. She released him as soon as she felt him tense. He starred at her, there was something so familiar about her, but he couldn't figure out what, he just couldn't remember.

"Hawkeye," she said softly to him, her voice quiet and concerned. So _he _was Hawkeye, that made loads of sense, that explains why she kept calling his name, but she was calling his name he wasn't sure.

………

He was starring at her with fear and confusion and they sat like that in silence for minutes until he looked away, "Hawkeye, how are you feeling?" she folded her hands over his and felt him tense again.

He refused to look at her, "I'm fine," she started at his voice, he had an Italian accent, "excuse me, but…who are you?" he turned to her and their eyes locked, he had no idea who she was.

Realization dawned on her and tears began to fall again and she smiled sadly, "Hawkeye you don't remember anything do you?"

He blinked at her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but know,"

"You're name is Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce, you're in Korea,"

"Korea?"

"You were drafted here; you're one of our best surgeons,"

"I'm sorry….I…don't remember anything,"

Margaret quickly wiped the tears away, "it's alright…you get some rest Hawkeye,"

She stood and smiled at him as he got comfortable again and walked out.

………

Hawkeye felt horrible, was he in some sort of relationship with this woman (who forgot to give her own name). If he was he probably just destroyed any hope of elongating the relationship with her, by completely forgetting who she was. And a surgeon…that just blew his mind away, a surgeon in Korea, everything just seemed wrong.

He really felt as if he should know this place, but he couldn't remember anything, at all, nothing.

………

Margaret silently cried as she made her way to the SWAMP, the first person that ought to know was BJ.

"Margaret?" she sat down on the edge of BJ's cot where he was reading.

"He woke up, BJ," she said bringing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them, "he woke up,"

"Hawkeye did!" Charles even looked up at that, "how is he? Is he alright? Is he in pain? What did he say?"

Margaret silenced him with a sad stare, "he doesn't remember anything, BJ, nothing, he didn't know who he was, where he was, he didn't remember me either,"

His face fell and he gently placed an arm over her shoulders, "Amnesia?"

"I don't think so, he was never hit in the head, and as much as he was thrown around, I think…he doesn't want to remember,"

"A case for Sydney." It wasn't a question, but a statement, "come on Margaret, we have to tell Potter, he'll want to know,"

………

Charles joined them as they walked to the Colonel's office.

Inside, Potter took the news better than they thought, "I'll call Sydney, but someone should still sit with him,"

BJ and Charles left and Margaret was left with Colonel Potter and promptly broke down falling into a chair. Colonel Potter put an arm over her shoulder, "don't worry, Major, Sydney will have him fixed up in no time, and he's never failed us before,"

Margaret hiccupped, "he didn't even know who I was, Colonel, he didn't know who he was; I don't think it's a normal case of, 'I don't want to remember, so I'm not going to,'"

Colonel Potter smiled sadly, "come along, Margaret, and let's gets some coffee so you can have some time to relax.

………

BJ sat next to Hawkeye talking; "she was upset," BJ said when Hawkeye asked about 'the blonde woman'.

Hawkeye looked away, "why?" was his only response.

"You two were close,"

"Close?" the Italian accent really brought out the Italian features in Hawkeye.

"Friends," BJ tried to explain, he hated Hawkeye like this, "but I think you were becoming closer,"

"Oh," he didn't respond, "and….who are you?"

"BJ Hunnicutt, we were friends," he said, Hawkeye starred at him in surprise.

"Friends…hmm…."

BJ sighed, even his humor was gone, he hadn't cracked a joke yet, it was as if he was afraid of them, "yeah, we played poker, played doctor, you played the nurses,"

A hint of a smile appeared on his lips, the first one this whole day and BJ laughed lightly.

"Who was the prick?" Hawkeye asked, "I wasn't friends with him was I?" there was a ghost of the old Hawkeye in that one comment.

BJ smirked again, "you mean Charles, Charles Emerson Winchester…the third, never forget the third, he is a very good doctor, loves classical music, but very stuck-up."

Hawkeye was about to comment when he stopped and placed a hand to his head.

"You alright, Hawk?"

"Yes, just a dizzy spell, I'll be fine,"

"I have to head out, you get some rest…goodnight Hawkeye,"

"Goodnight, BJ," it was an awkward goodbye, but a goodbye at that.

**End Chapter 19**

**Short again, but longer than the last one, not a lot of action in this one, but I took someone suggestion for this chapter (HawkSoul) so thanks.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello again, updated yes, go me!**

**Schiavo means slave (in Italian), and in case you were wondering, yes I based the title of that movie coming out (Memoirs of a Geisha) but that is totally beside the point!**

**Oh and I feel really stupid about this I said that HawkSoul was the one who made the suggestion for the last chapter and it was actually 4077Hawk, and now I feel really dumb and I'm really, really sorry about the mix-up I assure you it will never happen again.**

**Chapter 20**

**Memoirs of a Schiavo**

Colonel Potter sighed, as soon as every had been evaluated by Sidney he had to get back to Seoul, minutes after arriving there Sherman called him and asked him to come back, sparring him the details.

"Sherman, I'm a little confused, do you want me here or not?" Sidney laughed as he walked into the old Colonel's office. His laughter instantly died when he saw the exhausted serious look on Potter's face.

"Well, Sidney, he healed," Potter began, "woke up this morning, healthy as a horse, a little discomfort of course, but that's not what I'm worried about anymore,"

Sidney sat down he knew where this was going, "is it bad?" he asked, he was not used to working with patients that have been tormented ALL of their life, just the army life and the occasional home sickness deal, "night traumas, distrust, depression?"

"No, Sidney, none of the above," Potter leaned on his desk, "he doesn't remember a thing, Sidney, he has no idea who he is, who we are,"

Sidney started, this was new, "nothing, is it Amnesia, was he hit?"

"Yes, but we did x-rays, we checked his pupils, he was no where near hit hard enough to suffer from Amnesia, and this doesn't seem like a normal case of 'I don't want to remember' he couldn't tell the name of his own father, let alone his own name,"

"I'll see what I can do; Potter, but I can't guarantee anything,"

………

Sidney found Hawkeye absorbed in a book, his own book, "The Last of the Mohicans, eh?" Hawkeye jumped out of his skin, tensing and staring at him with surprise. Sidney silently noted that.

"Yes," Hawkeye said, his eyes got a defensive look.

Sidney, unlike the others didn't drop the subject, "Were you named after the character Hawk-eye?"

Hawkeye looked down, he was ashamed, "I don't remember," came the muttered response. Sidney smiled, this was what he expected.

"Oh?" Sidney made the sound a question as he sat down, "why is that?"

Hawkeye looked up, fear flickering in silver eyes, "I don't know,"

"Where are you from in Italy, Hawkeye?" if he was surprised by the abrupt subject change he didn't look it, in fact he looked enthused.

"I was born in Benevento, but we moved to Campobasso and traveled all around the country, from Cosenza to Varese, when we were there, I remember going into a little town in Switzerland, the name escapes me at the moment, but they were such a magnanimous people." Hawkeye got a dreamy look as he thought.

"Who's 'we', Hawkeye?" Sidney asked noting the confusion and almost fear that crossed Hawkeye's face.

"I…I don't know,"

"You said 'we' you have to know, who 'we' is,"

"Well…I just figured…I couldn't have gone by myself,"

A silence followed, Hawkeye shuffled his feet under the heavy blankets.

"Do you remember anything about America, Hawkeye?"

"…No,"

"Anything about your family or friends…?"

"No….I'm sorry," a panicked look struck his face, "I just can't remember….please, I'm sorry,"

Sidney's eyes softened, "it's alright, Hawkeye, you get some rest,"

………

"Anything, Sidney?" BJ asked after they (Charles, BJ, Potter, Margaret, and Radar) were assembled in Colonel Potter's office.

"Well, the way I see it….Hawkeye's mind is working much like a child's mind would," he stood and began pacing, something he rarely did, "his mind is telling him to remember only the times that he wasn't in contact with something that caused him pain, he could have gone on for hours about Italy and the like, but as soon as I asked him about America or even his family he couldn't tell me a thing,"

"But why?" Margaret asked, "Why would memories of his father or family cause him pain?"

Sidney sighed and sat down again, "I am thinking when Hawkeye thinks of his father he one, thinks of his mother. Her death I think was very hard on him, harder than it would be for a normal child, or he two, thinks of Jackson and well…that's self-explanatory,"

Radar shuffled his feet and slipped out, no one seemed to notice.

………

It's hard to believe that someone like Captain Pierce could be destroyed to such an extent. I mean, he's so strong, well gee…I really looked up to him, he was something, I always wanted to be, loveable, charming, cultural, brave, but deep down, well according to Major Freedman, he's been self-destructing since he was a wee little kid.

Attentively I made my way to the ward where Hawkeye was staying, Colonel Potter warned me that he didn't remember a thing and I don't know what came over me, I just thought, well I figured I could give it a try. I opened the door and peaked, balking at what I saw. Oh lord – he wasn't in bed, Potter was gonna blow a gasket. In the semi-dark room, the bed was empty alright and walked into the room closing the door softly behind me, and there was Hawkeye, dressed in his green army slacks and short sleeve short standing by the window that looked out away from the camp. He looked horrible, pale and small.

"You really shouldn't be out of bed, Captain," the words slipped out, I couldn't help myself, I really didn't mean to talk after I got there I seemed to have lost my courage, but I couldn't help myself.

Hawkeye jumped spinning around with a real scarred look, ya know? We just sorta looked at each other for a minute, he looked so different. He wasn't smiling, his eyes were bright, and the wounds on his face had begun scaring giving him a dangerous look. He looked me up and down and seemed to relax, "you're not a doctor," he said simply turning his back on me again.

"How do you know?" I asked, he was the one person I couldn't seem to predict anymore, I did once or twice when it was really obviously, but I never knew what he was gonna do.

"You're to short, and besides, you're too jumpy," was that an Italian accent? That makes sense seeing he can only 'member stuff when he was in Italy.

"Oh, hey, I ain't short!" I shouted at him, "I just haven't gotten tall yet, that's all,"

He didn't jump that time, he slowly turned with a raised eyebrow and a soft smirk, "thanks, capretto," he said with a wider smile.

"For what?" I didn't know what "capretto," meant, but I guess it was a compliment.

"For actually talking to me like I'm human and not like I'm a bomb that's ready to go off,"

I ventured a step closer, "What do you mean,"

He plopped down on his bed, wincing from the injuries still there, "just because I can't remember anything doesn't mean I'm a child, special that last one in here, I thought I was going to scream,"

"You, that's Sidney Freedman he's a psychiatrist," the look Hawkeye gave me, made me smile, that was the normal annoyed Hawkeye look.

"That explains it,"

"Oh, here," I grabbed a bag at my feet that had traveled with me, it was all his mail, since the day he was missing, "I know since you don't remember anything, this probably won't mean much to you, but once your better an all, I figured you want it," I rocked nervously on my heals, Sidney had something about giving this to him, I just wasn't sure when.

Hawkeye took the back, "thanks," he studies the bag for a minute, "how long did it take ME to get his much post?" he asked as if he wasn't popular.

"About 2 weeks," Hawkeye jumped, there must have been at least fifty letters there; apparently he didn't expect that much. He reached in and pulled one out.

"Who's Daniel Pierce?"

I cringed, "uh…sir…he's uh….he's your father,"

"Oh, can you flip the light," he asked, "can't see this,"

I did what I was actually _asked _to do, not ordered.

He opened the envelope and squinted at the sight, it was a picture. Four people, I recognized one as Daniel Pierce and his wife, his wife was not happy with a forced smile and a glare at another man at Dr. Pierce's right, I thought it was a relative but then I remembered the whole story, it was probably that Donny Jackson man, a young kid, like around 10, was standing in front of his mother with a very sarcastic, angry smile, I assumed that was Hawkeye.

"Excuse me….?"

"Radar," I said, I don't know why I didn't think to introduce myself, "this is you, 10 I think," I pointed to the little boy, "that was your mother and father and uh…that was…uh…Donny Jackson," for a minute nothing registered then his eyes went wide and he tensed with a flicker of recognition in his eyes, briefly and then it was gone, he flipped the picture over.

"Will you leave me please, Radar?" he asked not taking his eyes off the 6 simply stated words.

"Of course," so I did still trying to figure our the significance in the statement, "tell them – or you'll regret it,"

**End Chapter 20**

**Like Radar at the end, thought it would help.**

**Note: capretto means kid in Italian.**


	21. Chapter 21

**There ya go; updates are going to slow down again, with Christmas coming and all. But I will update as quick as I can. **

**Chapter 21**

**Memories through Pictures**

"Where have you been, Radar?" Colonel Potter could look like through me.

"I…uh…."

"Radar…"

"I went to talk to Hawkeye; I gave him his letters," I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet, I felt very proud that I had the guts to do it.

"Really?" That was Sidney, "how did it go?"

"Well…when I first when in there he wasn't in bed," I then told them everything, I meant to leave out certain parts, but I couldn't help my self, it all came stumbling out.

"That picture, what was it off?"

"Um…his ma and pa, him and uh….Mr. Jackson,"

"Loose, the 'Mr.', Radar,"  
"Yes, sir," My ego deflated as the questioning continued, I think I might of done something that wasn't good.

"Thanks, son, you go get some rest, you've done good,"

………

Colonel Potter listened to the phone ring, praying, that the other picked up the phone

"Hello,"

"Dr. Pierce, this is Colonel Potter,"

"Hello, Colonel, you have news I pray?" came the quiet Italian accented response.

"I do, but I'm not sure if it's good. The poison seemed to have passed out of his system and he has woken up, but I'm afraid he can't tell us much,"

"Can I speak with him?"

"Look, Dr., he doesn't remember anything,"

Silence followed so Potter continued, "Our army psychiatrist-"

"Dr. Freedman, Hawkeye has spoken of him,"

"Yes, Dr. Freedman has been examining him and what he was told us…" he then retold what Sidney told them.

There was no answer at first, then: "is there anything I can do, anything at all?"

"Sidney, Dr. Freedman, and I spoke of this, but I thought it might be too much trouble for you…"

"Nothing is too much trouble when it has to do with my son," came the almost sharp response.

Potter smiled, "I figured you would say that…it would be very hard to do this, but Sidney thought it would be best for him to speak with you in person, I am not sure how you would get here, but if it becomes desperate enough…."

"I'm a doctor, I have connections, I'll see what I can do, thank you Colonel, but if I may ask your opinion," his voice grew quiet, "is he going to be alright?"

"Honestly….Dr. Pierce….I don't know, myself,"

………

Charles cleared his throat loudly as he entered Hawkeye's room, "Pierce," he said in an awkward greeting.

It took a moment to figure out what 'Pierce' meant before he remembered that was his last name, "Charles Emerson Winchester….the third, correct?" Charles frowned at the accent that was just what they need….a foreigner.

"Yes, just thought I'd drop by, see how you were doing?"

"I'd be better if everyone didn't spend their time tip-toeing around me," Hawkeye growled, after Margaret stopped by for a moment he was in a foul mood.

"I don't think I know what you mean," Charles said though he did.

"Don't give me that, merda," Hawkeye hissed slamming his book onto his bed with a flourish, "they prance around me like I'm a bomb ready to explode, just because I can't remember anything, that shouldn't make a damn difference, maybe if they were talking to me like I'm human instead of talking to me like I'm a child,"

Charles raised an eyebrow at the out burst and sat down watching Hawkeye peculiarly. He was tapping his feet in a restless movement, he arms were crossed tightly over his chest, and his face was set into a disgusted scowl.

"Don't you want me to talk to you like your human, Pierce?"

The look Hawkeye gave him was priceless, "No, Mr. Winchester, I don't," the sarcasm was laughable; "I _want _you to talk to me like I'm your inferior."

"To be honest with you, Pierce, even before this…accident, I talked to you like you were my inferior,"

Hawkeye froze, his scowl twitching slightly as if he was going to smile; he turned back to Charles, "really? So you are the prick, BJ, said you were,"

Charles was insulted, "why you! How dare you, you cad!" Hawkeye's laugher followed him as he stalked out.

He swept by Margaret who looked at him quizzically, "how is he?"

Charles froze briefly, "he is the most ill-mannered….animal… I have ever laid eyes on."

Margaret stifled her laughter as she walked into Hawkeye's room, "feeling better, I take it?" she said her voice quieting.

"You can talk to me at a normal volume, you know," he said.

"Oh, sorry,"

Hawkeye rolled his eyes and opened his book again.

"Did Radar bring that to you?" she asked noticing the book was in Italian.

"Yep, cute capretto, too bad Winchester isn't like that,"

Margaret smiled, "what's capretto?"

"Means….umm…." he looked at the ceiling as if the word had escaped him, "what do you say…child or kid," he said catching the English word he was looking for.

The two talked for a while, about nothing really, Margaret asking how to say things in Italian and helping Hawkeye as he struggled with certain English words.

"There is one English word I'm terrible fond of," he said smiled.

"What?"

"Antidisestablishmentarianism," he said, "there is something special about it, I just can't remember what,"

"What does it mean?"

"What does it mean? I'll tell you…….I don't know,"

………

**End Chapter 21**

**That's all you're getting out of me, crappy chappie I know, but don't worry as soon as things get more settled it should be interesting.**

**Hey, extra credit to any of you who know what "antidisestablishmentarianism" means, and yes it is an actual word.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Authors Note: Here you go, been a little while, but its Christmas break now so it should quicken up again, though now I'm sick so I don't know what's going on. I have decided that I am going to take Radar out of first person point of view and put him in third person, I don't think I can keep pulling off his first person view, I am not to good at that. So bear with me and I'm sorry if you want him in first person but he still will be a KEY character as will Dr. Daniel Pierce (Hawkeye's father) in later chapters.**

**That word I asked about at the end of the chapter "antidisestablishmentarianism" thanks to those of you who guessed it means "the act of some one who does not appose an established order" which basically means, someone who is FOR an establishment. So yeah, lol, I'm such a nerd.**

**Chapter 22**

**Out and About**

Radar watched Margaret leave Hawkeye's room. Even Colonel Potter didn't realize, he had heard the conversation with Dr. Pierce and Radar agreed whole heartedly with the decision.

"Hiya, Hawkeye," he said plopping down in the chair next to his bed. Hawkeye say cross-legged playing solitaire, "feeling better?"

"No," came the sharp response.

Radar started at the tone, "what's wrong?"

Hawkeye slammed the cards down and stood only to begin pacing restlessly, "I'm tired of being in here, I'm going mad, I feel like a prisoner in here," he went to the window and stared out at the field, "who's in charge here?'

"Colonel Potter, Captain,"

"Will you fetch him for me, Radar?"

"Yes, sir,"

"What can I do for you, son?" Hawkeye merely raised his eyebrow at the word 'son' and didn't comment.

"I want to get out of here, sir," Radar had informed Colonel Potter of the accent but had not yet spoken to him so the thickness of it took him by surprise.

"Colonel Sherman Potter," he offered his hand and Hawkeye took it, with a slightly suspicious look.

"I would like to give you my full name, Colonel, but I'm afraid I can't remember it all,"

"Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce," Potter explained.

"Why 'Hawkeye'?"

"That book, son," he explained pointing to the Italian version, "The Last of the Mohicans,"

"Off the character Hawkeye," it was a comment not actually a question.

"Now, on to your former request, you can leave when you want to,"

"That err….accampamento…in English…camp, do they know of my…" he waved his hand around his head as if that said it all.

Potter smiled at his lesser command for English, "yes, don't worry about it, son,"

"Thank you, Colonel,"

"No problem,"

………

Radar and Hawkeye stayed in the room for another hour or two before Hawkeye slowly began to venture out into O.R, Radar discreetly kept him away from the patients so as not to cause confusion. Outside was bright and sunny the nurses were out in bunches talking and laughing, the enlisted men were playing soccer or 'calcio' as Hawkeye commented. BJ and Margaret were absorbed in a conversation outside the mess tent where Charles and the Father walked over to join them.

………

Hawkeye watched them with a sense of envy and slight disgust with himself for not remembering more about them. He let his eyes roam over the people around him, many nurses winked at him and he could only muster a nervous smile. BJ caught his attention and waved him over with a huge smile.

"Hey, Hawk, I see you're feeling better,"

"Yes, much, thank you," he shifted awkwardly in front of them.

"Well, Hawkeye, it's nice to see you up and about, Sister Teresa expects me, and I must be off," Father Mulcahny made a quick escape of the tense situation, Charles soon followed with the explanation of 'helping the Father out.'

"Radar, you go on, I'm sure Colonel Potter needs you," BJ shooed Radar away leaving Margaret and him to lead him to the SWAMP.

When they walked in Hawkeye smiled, "Alcool….Gin," BJ laughed and poor them each a drink, "is this really my place the…err….SWAMP?"

"Yep, you're bunk is right where you're sitting," Hawkeye looked around him in fascination of his worldly possessions, "who is she?" Hawkeye asked holding up a pictured of his mother, "this is my…madre..?" he trailed off.

"You're mother, yes, she died when you were young," Margaret said softly.

"And this?" he held up another picture of Trapper in a bath robe holding a golf club.

"Trapper John McIntyre, he used to be hear before he was sent home, he was a draftee too," BJ smiled sadly when there was no recognition, "you were pretty eaten up about it,"

"Oh,"

"I don't know if you heard, Hawkeye…" Margaret said, as he continued to explore, "you're father is coming to Korea,"

Hawkeye's head snapped up and there was panic in his eyes, "why?" he tried hiding it by nervously placing the pictures back in the proper places on the stand.

"Dr. Freedman, Sidney, thinks that it will help jog your memory,"

"Who says I want to remember?" Hawkeye said standing as if to leave.

"What….Hawkeye?" BJ grabbed his arm, who in turn tensed and wrenched it away.

"Maybe I just want to start fresh, start over, maybe there are things I don't want to remember, and how do you know?" Hawkeye snapped eyes glazing over in anger.

"Hawkeye," Margaret pleaded with him softly, "I know this is tough for you –"

"No you don't! You have no idea," he hissed. He turned away ashamed, his voice dropping to a whisper, "I have no idea,"

**End Chapter 22**

**Out and About**

**Italian Notes**

**Alcool – Alcohol**

**Madre – Mother**

**Calcio – Soccer **

**There ya go, hope you like and you weren't too disappointed. I will update soon! Please drop a review and let me know what you think of it! **

**Ani**


	23. Chapter 23

**I am not going to apologize for the long wait; I spent a hella amount of time on this chapter just to make it extra long. Thanks to 4077Hawk for the very helpful constructive criticism it helped a lot and I really hope I help the story unfold a little in this chapter. Hey 2000words (give or take a few here and there)go me! I am excited for myself!**

**Chapter 23**

**Daddy's back**

Dr. Daniel Pierce stood at the edge of the 4077th MASH camp where the jeep had dropped him off, recognizing things that have been described to him only through letters, from his son. It hadn't taken him as long to get here as he thought when he told the pilot at the San Francisco Air Port where he was going, he gave Daniel a first priority two way ticket and he was off on the some odd amount of hour flight to Seoul where he than hopped a jeep to the 4077th.

He walked into camp ignoring the odd looks that were sent his way. He stopped a short, very young man who was bustling around with a clipboard of what looked like army reports, "excuse me, are you Radar O'Reily?" he asked.

The boy, whom he was assuming Radar by the naïve look, started at this, "Yeah," the voice was just as he imagined it, "are you Daniel Pierce? Hawkeye's father, we've been waitin' for ya…sir," he quickly added on.

Daniel smiled, "care to show me where I could find a Colonel Sherman Potter,"

"Oh yeah, geez, right over there," he pointed to a building, "I show ya there myself," he trotted off and Daniel followed bemused.

………

Radar nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Dr. Pierce, if some one only knew Hawkeye by description he would be mistaken for him, they even sounded alike, down to the Italian accent and everything, but dressed in a casual brown suit.

"I'd offer to take your bags, sir, but…"

"No problem, O'Reily, I can handle it…you look a little young to be in the army,"

"Uh…yes sir, my family needed the money that's all," it was a short explanation and he didn't care to go into any more detail, "here we are, sir, Colonel Potter is right through that door."

………

Daniel let himself into the office and the office, the people inside anyway, froze to gawk. He smiled, "is it my ruggedly handsome looks…?"

"Dr. Pierce, right?" an elderly man, whom he was assuming was Colonel Potter asked, though he was sure the Colonel already knew the answer.

"Yes, you're Colonel Potter, I presume,"

Colonel Potter smiled, "yep, and since were already doing introductions," he pointed to the group that sat next to me, "Major Margaret Houlighan,"

"Ms. Houlighan, yes, 'amazingly stern but a damn good nurse' was how you were described," Major Houlighan blushed deeply.

Colonel Potter laughed, "Captain BJ Hunnicutt and Corporal…"

"Let me guess, Maxwell Klinger,"

"Yes, sir," the…err….man….dressed in a black and pink Italian strapless designed dress saluted him.

"And this," said Colonel Potter continuing, "is Sidney Freedman, an official Army Psychiatrist,"

He nodded at them all in greeting.

"You must be tired," said Major Houlighan standing abruptly, "I'll show you to the VIP tent,"

As they left Major Freedman called out to them, "Dr. Pierce, I would like to speak to you later, if possible,"

"Of course,"

"So what do you think, Sidney, can he help?" BJ asked first.

"I think so, uncanny the resemblance isn't it?"

Colonel Potter grunted his approval, "I hope he can,"

………

Margaret finished making the bed just as Daniel finished unpacking.

"Dr. Pierce, you can help Hawkeye, can't you?'

Daniel sat down on the freshly made bed with a heavy sigh and a yawn, the flight took more out of him then he thought, "yes I believe I can, Major,"

"Margaret, please," she corrected him, "it's just I'm worried about him, I don't know if...he….wants….to remember,"

"I wouldn't be surprised, if there is one thing I learned about Ben is, he's a fighter and if he's fighting these inner demons of his, he'll go down kicking,"

Margaret smiled, "he did tell me what happened, Dr. Pierce,"

"Daniel, please. And I'm not surprised," he looked tired as he said this, physically and emotionally.

"It must have been hard, what exactly happened? If you don't mind me asking," she said hurriedly so as not to seem rude.

Daniel leaned back, closing his eyes, humming slightly, "he was 13, three years after his mother died, that kid was obsessed with my medical books, it was almost impossible to find a picture of him without one of them nearby. Jackson, you met him correct?"

Margaret nodded.

"Ben never liked him, never. He and I got into so many fights about Ben disrespecting him it was amazing the temper on that boy, you must know what I mean," he opened his eyes and looked at her, "you know if you yell at a kid they look down and pretend to act all tough by ignoring you but really they are really upset,"

Margaret laughed and nodded again, "did it all the time,"

"Well with Ben you yelled at him and he wouldn't do that he just turn around and yell right back,"

Margaret laughed long and hard with Daniel about that, she could really picture Hawkeye doing that.

"Anyway, Jackson noticed this too, wish I listened to Ben when he tried to tell me what happened," his eyes flashed with guilt and he looked at his clasped hands, his smile fading, "Jackson said that since he was so into medical studies that he should take him down to South America to see the aid stations and get some 'hands on work', but that never happened.

"He was missing for 6 months, I was so afraid, as soon as he came up missing I knew what had happened and thought it was my fault for a long time," he rubbed his eyes, "the only reason we found him was because Jackson came back to the U.S, looking for another victim.

"Hawkeye was pretty beaten up when we finally got to him; the doctors weren't sure what was going to happen. When he finally woke up…he was afraid, of everyone, totally lost his trust in everyone, even me. Took him months to finally trust me again, and when he did it took him a couple of years before he would talk about what happened, but he never told me what happened while he was there, I still have no idea…"

"I was a prisoner's of Jackson for a couple of days and I thought I couldn't stand it, I have no idea what it must have been like for him, or for you, I hope he's found again." Margaret said softly

"Well, there is good news in all of this; he was a couple of days ago. Some elderly woman recognized him from the news. Normally it wouldn't have been a big deal, he was released after all, but he was outside my house, Lord knows why, but it was a violation to his probation, and then I told the police what I knew about what was happening in Korea and they proved he was there and he was sent back to jail for life," the more Daniel talk the wider the smile on Margaret's face got!

"That's amazing! I was so worried he was going to get away," she laughed and it felt as if part of the load on her mind was lifted, "look I should get going, you need your rest,"

Daniel smiled, "I probably won't be out long, I have an appointment with Dr. Freedman,"

"Oh right," she opened the door and turned to look at him again, "thank you Daniel, for telling me this,"

Daniel smiled softly and Margaret felt her heart grow heavy again, it was so much like Hawkeye's, "anytime,"

………

Later that night Dr. Freedman stood outside Daniel's door knocking softly.

"Come in," came the muffled Italian accented reply.

"Hello, Dr. Pierce,"

"Daniel, and Hello to you too, Dr. Freedman,"

"Sidney,"

"Have a good rest?" Sidney asked pulling up a chair.

"I've had better, they actually call these things beds?" he joked jerking his thumb over his shoulder at the so called "cot."

Sidney smiled, "yep, just wait till you have the 'food'."

"What can I do for you, Sidney?"

"Tell me anything that's going on, I am so lost right now, I appeared at camp before Hawkeye was missing, six hours later, poof, he and Margaret are swept away, (I don't even know the name of the man…or woman…who did it) I'm called away to Seoul and 3 hours later I have to come back because magically they reappeared again, though I have learned that BJ, Charles (whom you haven't had the 'pleasure' of meeting yet) and Sherman went boy scouting through the woods to find them, and then Hawkeye wakes up and he can't tell me a thing, and Margaret has been sworn to secrecy and Sherman says I have to wait till Hawkeye tells me!"

Daniel laughed, "Well, I can tell and then I have to kill you….or swear you to secrecy also,"

Sidney smiled, "go ahead,"

Daniel cleared his throat and began again telling him the same thing he told Margaret, a little more detailed because he wasn't aware of the situation at all, as he spoke a heavy blanket of realization fell on the tent and Sidney and Daniel grew somber.

"Has he scene a psychiatrist before?" was Sidney's first response.

"Yes, a number of times, but I don't think it ever really helped, just seemed to make him angry."

Sidney smiled, "one of the last steps of recovery." At Daniels raised eyebrow he continued, "First its physical recovery, which sort of speaks for itself then, learning to trust again, then anger. Anger can harbor for a long time and often disappears or reappears again, but the last to can often switch, or combine into one, depends on the person,"

"Do you think I'll be doing any good if I'm here?"

"Any good? It's a brilliant idea, if I do say so myself, you would be helping tremendously and I think we should start soon. As in now,"

"Now? Is he awake?" Daniel's eyes lit up at the idea of talking to his son, even if he doesn't remember him, now.

"Yes, come along," Daniel followed Sidney into post-op where Daniel's eyes grew grave again; "you work a lot here don't you?"

"Yep, though I have to say, even with the two replacement doctors, the survival rate has dropped tremendously." Daniel didn't respond just walked through ignoring the questioning eyes of the patients that happened to be awake.

"Hawkeye?" Sidney knocked on the door softly to the private ward and motioned for Daniel to stay back for a moment.

Daniel was trembling with anticipation and excitement; it had been so long since he'd seen his son.

"Yes COME IN!" came the slightly agitated sounding reply.

Sidney motioned for Daniel to enter, with a soft, "go ahead,"

Daniel opened the door.

………

Hawkeye knew Sidney wasn't the only one on the other side of the door, that's what agitated him. Why couldn't they just tell him some one else was there, he turned another page in the book. This should be very interesting.

Only when the door opened to he allow himself to glance up and his eyes widened at the sight.

"Ben," was the only word spoken at first, then: "long time no see, eh son?"

**End Chapter 23**

**Daddy's Back**

**That should be a hella a lot longer!**

**For COMPLETE pages on word, I really would have gone on, but I'm not sure how I am going to write their first interaction, I am waiting for some advice from a friend and besides I really liked this ending, leaves ya on the edge, eh? wink, wink**

**So drop a review and tell me what you think. I really hope this one was longer. I tried my hardest and I couldn't help myself leaving a cliffy like this.**

**Ani**


	24. Chapter 24

**Authors Note: Up a little earlier than I said it would be up, surprise, surprise, but I worked really hard on this chapter. It took me a couple of days to do the fist part so tell me what you think. Also, thanks to 4077Hawk for proofreading the first part to give me some constructive criticism, it really helped when I finished typing the last part of the chapter, so thanks!**

**On with the chapter. **

**Chapter 24**

**Confrontation**

"Long time no see, eh son?" it was a nervous thing that they both did, joked when they couldn't of something serious to say.

"What do you want?" was the first question out of Ben's mouth, a question that surprised both a hurt Daniel and a confused Sidney (who was listening intently at the door).

"What do you think I want?' Daniel watched Ben causally flip another page in the Italian version of 'The Last of the Mohicans.'

"I think," he snapped slamming the book closed, "I think that you want to help my poor confused soul remember everything I have forgotten," he placed a dramatic hand to his forehead just for the sarcastic effect, "and work me through all my child-hood problems while trying to love me and teach me to trust again," the annoyance in his voice became clearer and clearer with every word as the sarcastic rant continued, "and when all that miraculous stuff has been achieved everything will come rushing back to me and my lost love and I will be reunited and we will live happily. Ever. After," now the anger was building, "is that what you want, _daddy dear_?"

Daniel cringed at the harsh words, but it was true, "Yes, Ben, that is what I want to do. Maybe not to such an extent…" he trailed off letting his eyes linger with is sons.

"Esca (get out)" Ben hissed at him, "esca, voi liar, Non posso fidarselo, esca! (get out, you liar, I can't trust you, get out!)" Those final words were a scream of rage and hatred. So Daniel did the only thing he could do. He got out.

………

The group sat in silence in the mess tent, no one speaking, all to caught up in their own concerns, "Radar…" Colonel Potter started.

"I'll go get more coffee, sir," after his errand was done he left quietly, unable to stand the heavy silence any longer. Captain Pierce's reaction was not what they expected. Dr. Freedman didn't get too detailed but he did explain that it was part of the healing process.

Radar wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, but his feet (which seemed to be moving on their own accord) led him to Hawkeye's room.

"Err….Hawkeye?" he opened the door knocking gently.

"What is it, Radar?" Hawkeye was standing by the window again, this time with tears in silver eyes, clutching his book to his chest.

"It was nothing, sir….I was…just getting' really worried 'bout you, that's all,"

Hawkeye made no reply to that, he just sighed heavily, "I bet you everyone hates me now….my own father…"he trailed off and a tear slipped.

"No they don't, sir,"

"How do you know? You're just a kid,"

"Because I don't hate you, sire….and even if I am just a kid, I'm still part of that everyone," Radar laughed nervously, his voice cracking slightly, "we are all just really worried about you, most of all your dad," that struck a nerve.

"My father?" he laughed softly almost in disgust with himself, "I mocked him, cursed him, and screamed at him…how he could not hate me?"

"'Cause he's your dad, give him another chance, sir, it's up to you,"

Hawkeye sighed, "thanks, Radar," Radar turned to leave, "wait…why 'Radar?'"

He laughed again, "sometimes I can tell when things are about to hap….oh no…."

"What?" Hawkeye jumped.

"Choppers," and moments later without a doubt, choppers could be heard.

………

The group in the mess tent started immediately, "wounded let's go!" Colonel Potter yelled, "Pierce, can you help?"

Daniel nodded and rushed after them. Ben had described what surgeries here were like so he wasn't exactly sure if he could handle this, but he was going to try. They had two extra doctors to replace Hawkeye so it should be that bad.

"You ready, Dr. Pierce?" BJ asked as they scrubbed up together, "don't worry, it's just like regular surgery, 'cept there's sometimes more iron then there is body,"

"I think I can handle it, though I've never dealt with this kind of stuff before,"

Charles who had just walked in laughed, "Hopefully your skills are as well as your sons," it was a question more than a comment.

"We've never competed," was Daniels reply. He already didn't like the Winchester fellow that much.

………

"How you doin', Pierce?" Colonel Potter called across the room to Pierce Sr.

"Peachy, clamp, you always this crowded, sponge, you get a hell of a lot of business,"  
"Yeah, it is a bit crowded today, not to bad though," Charles said, he was testing Daniel to see just how good he was.

They all worked in silence for a moment, "I kind of miss the music Radar used to play over the intercom," BJ commented.

"I don't, it was disgusting," that was Charles again.

"_When the moon hit's your eyes like a big pizza pie…that's amore…" _BJ sang.

"_When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore," _Daniel chimed in.

Then they both sang together, "_Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling and you'll sing vita Bella" _they both stopped and laughed, BJ had an okay voice and Daniel sounded just like Hawkeye, and the accent just enhanced the ethnicity of the song.

"Oh lord….shoot me now," Charles prayed silently as they continued

Radar had disappeared and Hawkeye had no idea what was gong on.

Sidney was there to his rescue with in minutes.

"What in the name of Dio is going on?" Hawkeye was in panic when Sidney got to him.

"Wounded…this is a hospital you know,"

Hawkeye at first made no reply then, "can I help?"

Sidney smiled and clapped him on the back, laughing, "You may not remember how to do it, but you've always had a knack for helping people,"

Hawkeye smirked nervously. He knew that deep down the psychiatrist hated him as much as everyone else did, he wasn't going to be fooled by some disguise, "do they get wounded often?" his other question was never answered so he was assuming it was a no.

"Yes, this unit is one of the best medical outfits; you were their top notch surgeon,"

Hawkeye smiled nervously again. He chose not to comment on the key word "were" rather than 'are'.

"So Hawkeye, back to your little out burst,"

Hawkeye flinched waiting for the yelling and accusations to begin, he knew it would come to this eventually. Everyone would start hating him again, torturing him, abusing and using him just like all the others did, but he deserved it. He couldn't remember much, but he kept hearing voices in his head telling him how worthless he was.

"Hawkeye?"

"I'm sorry," was the only response Sidney got from the very tense man.

"You were just lost in thought, it's alright," Sidney knew that Hawkeye wasn't apologizing for that.

"No, I'm sorry for what I did," he said not caring to explain.

"What did you do, Hawkeye?" he asked gently crossing his legs and sitting back in his chair.

"You know what I did…he was my own father, and I didn't trust him….he probably hates me now, too,"

"Too? Hawkeye, he far from hates you, and who else do you think hates you, 'cause I'm having a hard time thinking of someone?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Hawkeye snapped angry and confused. He began pacing restlessly, "he didn't deserve that, no one does especially from their own son," his voice drew quiet at that last comment.

"Hawkeye, if I mentally beat myself up for every time I screamed and cursed and mocked my father, I'd be dead by now. No one goes through life with out conflict, Hawkeye,"

"But this is different,"

"How?"

There was no response to that and Sidney smiled, he didn't expect one. There _was _no answer to that question, as least not one that Hawkeye could think of.

**End Chapter 24**

**Confrontation**

**Thanks again, drop a note and tell me what you all think! I'll appreciate it.**

**I know I said I would make the chapters longer, but I just couldn't do it this chapter, I really didn't want to change the way I ended it, because I haven't decided what I'm doing next so, sorry about the length. I swear I will make it longer next chapter, or try at least.**

**Thanks again for reading!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Authors Note: I think this one is longer. Thanks to all my other reviewers, not sure how much longer this story is going to be, 10 chapters AT the most for those of you who were wondering. I do really like this chapter, I was in a very sarcastic mood when I wrote it, just in case you notice...**

Chapter 25

The Accursed Whisper

Hawkeye was sitting with Margaret in the Officers Club; he was very tense as they sat in silence.

"Surgery, tough?" it was a simple question, but to Margaret it just made her heart fall. Normal Hawkeye wouldn't have to ask, he would have been there and know how tough it was.

"Yeah," she said finally.

Silence fell again.

………

He could tell by the silence that she was angry, well, he could r_eally, _but he could only assume. What Freedman told him sent his mind into turmoil; he didn't know what to believe. His realistic mind told him to follow Sidney's logic, but the untrusting half of his brain told him not to trust them, not to get to close. At this point in time the untrusting side was winning.

The only reason he had agreed to come to the Officers Club was because he couldn't stand staying in that room all the time, not being able to dress and clean by himself, not being able to eat with out some one hovering over him, hell, he couldn't even piss at the latrine with out some one waiting at the door. It wasn't as if he was a five year old and wanting to all grown up like the big kids who got to play doctor in the army, he wanted to be the doctors in the army, but to do that….he would have to face Demons he wasn't ready for and run away from those memories…it was a hopeless battle.

………

Margaret saw the conflicted emotions of anger, fear, and confusion play across his face. She could only imagine what hundred thoughts were running through his head. She was really hoping that taking him out of that tiny room would open him up a little more, give him a chance to think, clear his mind, but it didn't seem to be working. If anything, it looked to be making things much worse, "Hawkeye, you okay?"

………

There was that damn whisper again. He couldn't use the excuse of them talking 'like he was a bomb waiting to explode' (quote himself) because he probably_ was_ a bomb ready to explode.

"Fine," he didn't mean to sound so sharp, but that whisper was just so damn condescending, it drove him insane. If anything that tone was just fueling the bomb and that question…oh, that question, 'you okay?' that was just lighting the fuse.

"Talk to Sidney, lately?"

"Yes, he wants to talk again tonight, in a couple of minutes actually,"

"You should probably get ready,"

"Why? Want to get rid of me already?"

………

That was the worst possible thing he could have asked her at this moment. She didn't have an answer and if there was on thing she hated it was not having an answer. She really wanted to help him, talk to him, tell him more stories, reveal some memories, but she just couldn't take his behavior sometimes. She wasn't sure how long she could handle his curt biting remarks, his accusing yet apathetic tone.

"No," she did manage to choke out before he got any ideas.

………

But he already had the ideas. She_ didn't_ want him there. He could tell by that slight fraction of hesitation. The simple darting of the eyes told him everything. He wasn't wanted.

………

He was now back in the hell whole, they called his hospital room, he called it his prison.

"So how are you, Hawkeye?" There was that damn question again.

"I hate that question," and that was an easy way to avoid answering it.

"Why?"

"Because it's so damn annoying, and they ask it with out really caring about the answer,"

"Who's 'they'?"

"Everyone,"

"Everyone?"

"Yes," damn fool….was he deaf?

"Uh-hmm, what if I told you I cared about the answer?"

"Then you'd be lying,"

"Who do you say that?"

Hawkeye rolled his eyes, "because when I said every one, I meant everyone, you're not special. You weren't excluded,"

"Are you angry at…some one?" it was a simple question, but it affected Hawkeye much and just caused his agitation to grow,"

"Yes,"

"Who?"

"People like you,"

"Like me?"

"Yes, people like you?" _must I keep repeating myself...?_

"What are people like me doing to make you angry, Hawkeye?"

"That,"

"What's 'that'?"

Hawkeye crossed his legs and began to hit the bed with one of his knees impatiently, "talking to me like I'm a five years old,"

"Maybe we're talking to you like your five years old because you are acting like you are five years old,"

Hawkeye balked at him, "I am not," his tone carried a hint of immaturity and a whine like….like a five year old.

Sidney smiled at him, "you didn't like the fact that you couldn't help in OR, did you?"

"OR?"

"Surgery,"

He hesitated, "no," this was probably a trick to say something else, but he wasn't going to. He was going to tightly keep his mouth closed except for one-response answers. He was already made to look like a fool. It wasn't going to happen again.

"Why?"

He shrugged. He wasn't really sure himself. He just didn't like feeling so…useless, so helpless.

………

Sidney could almost see the wheels in his head turning. After the comments about being a five year old, he had promptly kept his mouth shut, except for a one word answer, if he was assuming correctly, the questions about OR had struck a cord.

………

"How was it, doc?" BJ was the first one to say something after Sidney entered the Mess Tent, "did you get any further?"

Sidney sat and took the offered cup of coffee from Radar and sighed, "I think I am," he said, "Well, I think I've figured his anger. First of all to Daniel which was fairly obvious," every one looked at the uncomfortable Dr. Pierce, "he is subconsciously linking you to Jackson and Jackson is linked to slavery, so he is linking you to that,"

"As for his normal anger, when slaves are rescued from slavery they often have the feeling of uselessness and helplessness because people 'tip-toe' around him. When wounded came he asked me if he could help, I didn't answer and he didn't react to that, but he got very curt….sharp,"

"So we know what's going on," Charles said sipping his already cold coffee, "but do you say are we going to do about it,"

"Talk to him,"

"Who?" that was Radar.

"All of us, just like we have been.

"Should I?" Daniel asked. He was very leery about talking to his son again.

"Especially you, Daniel," Sidney explained, "he thinks he hates you because he is refusing to remember Jackson, so seeing you still triggers the pain, but not who caused it,"

"So, theoretically speaking…" Charles was interested, "if Pierce were to encounter Jackson again, what would happen?"

"It would probably trigger a psychological breakdown. He wouldn't know who the one that really inflicted the pain was, he would most likely loose any memories he had gained and become the essence of the child he was when he first met Jackson,"

Silenced followed.

"Can I see him now?"

Sidney looked at Daniel with a reassuring smile, "if it's all right with everyone…"

"Actually," Colonel Potter interrupted, "he needs a check up by one of the nurses,"

"I'll do it,"

"Margaret?"

"I can do it," and she left.

………

"The princess of the kingdom coming to see her lost love, the criminal locked away in the dungeon?" Hawkeye was still sitting cross-legged on the bed, writing in a pad of paper. She tried to read it, but it was in Italian.

She smiled at him, it was nice to here him joke, "come to mend the wounded knight after a terrible battle to rescue the princess," he didn't see the connection, but Margaret couldn't help but hope, "take off your shirt," she commanded laughing.

He raised an eyebrow, "Margaret…I never knew you were the type…" he laughed but none the less pulled of the green T, revealing the bandages. He couldn't explain the mood swing, but he liked Margaret. Sure sometimes she did the whispery voice thing, but most of the time she was nice and sweet, he could tell she was a nurse.

She sat on the bed next to him and laughed again, beginning to unwrap the bandages that was on his chest and torso. The bruises were healing and had taken on a yellowish-green color.

"Does it hurt?" she asked softly, "lay on your back,"

He very slowly lowered his uncovered back onto the bed wincing as it came into contact with the rough material.

"Sometimes," he winced as she began checking his ribs by very gently prodding the skin and muscles beneath it with her fingers. She couldn't help but notice how tense he was and the fact that he flinched when she touched him, not just from pain.

"Alright, sit up," he did so and she checked the bruises on his back, "take a deep breath and hold it," he did and she rewrapped his chest and torso.

"Your dad's going to come and see you later," she commented lightly as she undid the wraps on his arms to reapply ointment to the gashes and bruises.

"Oh," he said calmly watching her every movement.

"Yes, he wants to talk to you again," she through him a clean shirt.

"I figured," he pulled it on, wincing slightly.

"Are you going to talk to him?"

He looked at her in annoyance. The accursed whisper was back…., "we'll see…."

**End Chapter 25 **

**The Accursed Whisper **

**Longer? Better? I hope both, I liked that one. I found if anyone seems to care that I think my chapters are a lot better if I write them out before I type them…but maybe that's just me and I'm weird who knows. **


	26. Chapter 26

_**Authors Note: So….it's been awhile I know, but to stop the writers block that has been going on for some time I started working on another story called the Boy Before the Smile, it's pretty much a story about what happened to Hawkeye before, during, and after Africa….so if anyone thinks they would be interested in reading it I will post it when this one is finished. I know some people wanted to learn what happened in Africa….but I wasn't sure so just drop me a review and let me know. **_

………

_**It will be a little bit longer waits for the next week or so, I have final exams ALL week and I've been studying like mad and I can't take the time to do this without interrupting my schedule. My next chapter is written, but I haven't gotten around to typing it. I'll see what I can do tomorrow after exams are over for the day and see if I have time. **_

_**THANKS! **_

**Chapter 26 **

**Dreams **

"Hello Ben," the words were nervously spoken, as he closed the door behind him.

"Hello, dad," they didn't say anything for a moment. Hawkeye looked up and down as if sizing him up.

Daniel was aware of the scrutiny, but just glanced around the room casually, "What have you been doing?" Hawkeye smiled at the question. He was talking in a normal tone and didn't ask THAT question.

"Reading," he waved the book for Daniel to see. "Is this I was named after?"

"Yes," Daniel sat down in the chair next to the bed. So far so good. "How many times have you read it so far?"

"This is my fourth; can I ask you a question?"

"I can't stop you."

Hawkeye smiled again. There was something about this man that he liked. He wondered what he'd been like before he'd lost his memories and he silently hoped he was like his father. He wondered what he was like before…this and he silently hoped he was like his father. Daniel had this honest way about him. He wasn't going to 'beat around the bush.' "Do you hate me?"

"No." His response was instant, "Why would I hate you?" That was not the question he was expecting.

Hawkeye looked down, shame-faced, "Everyone else does," he muttered.

Daniel smiled sadly and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He noticed his son tense instantly, and said "No one hates you, Hawkeye,"

Hawkeye stared at him. He'd never called him by his nickname before. To hear him say it now made him feel very….vulnerable, like he was a kid again, and he didn't like it.

"They're just worried,"

Hawkeye stood and walked to what was becoming his favorite spot, the window. "That's what they've all been saying."

"It's true."

Hawkeye just humphed softly and continued to stare out onto the rugged landscape. Daniel remained quiet.

………

Daniel wasn't sure how long they were silent, but when Hawkeye finally spoke it was a question that surprised him greatly and he was almost afraid to answer it. "Who is Donny Jackson?"

Panic almost over took him when he heard that simply-uttered inquiry. He was not a psychiatrist and was no where close to impersonating one. He wasn't sure how to answer. "He was my medical partner." He was hoping to leave it at that, but Hawkeye wasn't going to let him off easy. Hawkeye wasn't easy.

"Was?"

Daniel sighed, "Yes….was…." and it all came spilling out, every detail about his mother, the kidnap, the worry and pain. He couldn't stop himself once he started. He so badly wanted to talk to someone who could understand and he hoped his son was it, but he was wrong.

As he spoke Hawkeye kept that same blank expression and when he was finished, the stare was still there.

At first he didn't respond then there was a shaky question: "can you please leave?"

So he did.

………

"Sidney, can I talk to you?" Daniel was beginning to seriously question whether he should have told him or not.

"Of course, Daniel," they began walking the outskirts of the camp, neither speaking, each waiting for the other to start the conversation.

"I think I've done something terrible,"

Sidney smiled at the proper language, "I am really beginning to see the personality similarities between you and your son…you always think you've done something wrong, an odd trait for a job that requires so much confidence."

"This time I'm not so sure I'm over analyzing,"

Sidney stopped for a moment. "What do you mean?"

So as they walked Daniel confessed to telling Ben everything. By the time he was finished Sidney was smiling again, "He asked you to leave, eh?" By now they had reached the mess tent again and were both sitting comfortably at a table, nursing a cold cup of coffee.

Daniel nodded.

"Though it might have been a little early to tell him everything, I was planning to anyway. The fact that he asked you to leave not tell you, is good."

Daniel still wasn't convinced.

"Daniel, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I know…."

Sidney stood and smiled sadly, "Come on….I'll by you a drink."

………

Hawkeye didn't move after his father left because now he wasn't sure what to believe. Everything seemed so familiar, but he didn't know why. What he was told brought so much pain and this feeling of…hatred….and he knew why. He just kept pushing the reason away. He knew why…his mind just wasn't going to admit it.

………

Hawkeye barely slept that night. He kept remembering….something, and then he would have dreams….or nightmares.

He was in chains somewhere….a stone building somewhere. She was there…Margaret, she seemed to really worry about the fact that he was in chains, but she couldn't do anything.

And then the walls changed, but the chains didn't. He was younger…in another hut.

It was a strange perspective that he dreamt. It was as if he was looking at himself from a camera angle or something. He looked like he was 13, he was beaten. Margaret wasn't there anymore, instead it was a young African girl….was he in Africa? She was crouching down next to him, watching him peculiarly.

She smiled softly and asked him something in another language, reached out to stroke his cheek, she said something else.

Dreaming Hawkeye watched himself flinch away from the touch, and even now regretted it when she jerked her hand away.

The scene changed again and he was in a library, and the chains were gone…thankfully. A man was there…he recognized him from the picture that was randomly sent him (he did suspect that is was his father but never mentioned it).

The man didn't do anything, just his presence struck fear in his heart and mind.

………

He woke up breathing heavily, in a cold sweat. He couldn't sleep again; he couldn't remember what he dreamt…..he wouldn't.

………

"Hello, Hawkeye," Sidney could tell he hadn't slept much the night before. His ankles were crossed and he hugged his knees to his chest, his eyes barely open. It wasn't the fact that he hadn't slept that scared him, but the dead look in his eyes. The empty look he'd seen before, being a psychiatrist, and the look was never good.

"You look tired,"

He shrugged. He turned his head so it faced the other direction.

"Did you sleep?"

"A little," his voice was a quite monotone.

"Why only a little?"

Another shrug was his only response.

"I need more than movements if you want me to help you,"

Hawkeye raised his eyes and turned his head to stare at him angrily, "Who said I want help? I seem to be asking that question, but never getting the answer."

"You wanted help earlier."

"Aren't I allowed to change my mind?"

The question hung in the air.

"Who's listening outside?" Hawkeye stared at the door over Sidney's shoulder.

Sidney sighed, "Your father," he found it pointless to lie.

Hawkeye made no response to that except turning his head away and resting it on his knees again.

"You upset, Hawkeye?"

Another shrug, then: "I had a dream…."

"What?"

"I had a dream about it," he rested his chin on his knee, "I was back in…Africa….there was a girl there…..then I was in some metal room….Margaret was with me….what was I dreaming?"

"Hawkeye…" he looked up at Sidney's request.

He was about to continue….

"CHOPPERS! sir, a big load," Radar burst in…., "they need to scrub up," Sidney looked up and nodded. He smiled encouragingly at Hawkeye.

"We'll finish later,"

Hawkeye smiled slightly and nodded as Sidney rushed out.

………

Daniel watched Hawkeye curiously when Radar opened the door. He was staring at them blankly, eyes dead. He heard him talk about the dream, but he couldn't help. Hawkeye never spoke about what happened in Africa and he was beginning to think he never would.

**End Chapter 26 **

**Dreams **

_**A little short and I know I promised longer, but that is when the writers block set in. **_

_**The next chapter soon…. **_

_**What will happen to our loveable Hawkeye….? **_

_**Will he remember and things turn back to normal? **_

_**Or **_

_**Will he refuse his past and live a life of mystery…..? **_

_**Until next time….. **_

_**SAYONARA!**_


	27. Chapter 27

For the Italian that is spoken in this chapter, there are translations at the bottom of the page so don't worry 'bout it.

**Chapter 27 **

**Lost and Found **

**The Midnight Kiss **

O.R was quiet, not even Daniel and BJ were doing their, what was becoming normal, singing. It wasn't silent, just…quiet. There was still that normal background murmur, but other than that….the noise was subdued.

"Clamp."

"Clamp." Margaret placed the instrument in his hand almost right as he asked for it.

"You're quick Major. Sponge," Daniel said cringing as he found another bleeder in the poor kid's liver.

"I have a lot of practice," she smiled at the compliment, "though you and Hawkeye have very different techniques,"

He laughed, "I wouldn't know, I've never seen him do surgery. Suture,"

She looked at him with surprise. "You should." She handed him the instrument. "He's brilliant."

"He's more of a 'what-can-I-do-to-make-it-easier-on-the-patient,' kind of guy. I'm more or a 'what-can-I-do-to-make-it-faster,' kind."

She laughed, handing him a retractor a moment before he asked for it, sending him into a good natured laugh again.

They fell quiet, except this time with the added humming of "An Evening in Rome" coming from Daniel.

"Mind if I ask you something?"

"Suction. Shoot, inamorata."

Margaret smiled at the foreign language that sounded so natural coming from him, even if she didn't know what it meant. "How long did you and your family live in Italy?"

"Esterina, that was my wife, and I lived there all our lives. I was a doctor and she owned a Vineyard, then little Ben came along, the country was getting into a pretty bad shape, and the town we lived in was sort of falling apart so we moved. We wanted him safe, he was only 8."

Margaret loved his 'fathers-devotion' attitude, the kind of father-in-law I'd want – she mentally kicked herself for the thought. Hawkeye was lying in the other room, not even remembering their relationship and here she was, thinking about what a great father-in-law his father would be. "Did he always want to be a doctor?"

"Well," he started distracting her from her thoughts, "when he was very young he wanted to be an Indian Brave, a thought put in his head by the origin of his nickname, The –,"

"Last of the Mohicans," she finished for him. "He's only read it a hundred times since he's been here,"

"Right," he said laughing – he sure laughed a lot….sounds just like Hawkeye -, "as soon as he turned ten though, he was hopelessly devoted to work….my work,"

Margaret smirked, "I'm sure your wife was thrilled with his devotion…"

"Oh I wouldn't say that….let's just say that I've had my share of sleeping on the couch."

The entire O.R. was listening now.

"He was smart, wasn't he?"

"Smart….who Hawkeye?...No…..he was an astuto…dweeb," the room laughed and for the time being their hearts were lifted and the room seemed a little brighter. "But that was my opinion. He thought it perfectly natural to be obsessed with his studies…and he was only ten."

And while they laughed and joked and cut open more patients, in crept the little company clerk, Radar O'Reily. "Colonel Potter, sir," he whispered so as not to draw attention. "We have a problem."

………

After O.R. in Colonel Potter's Office

"What the hell do you mean he's missing!" Poor Radar looked like he was going to cry.

"I just can't find him, sir," he said backing up into the door, "I'll keep looking," and he ran out, desperate to get away from the angry Italian man. Colonel Potter followed him out the door.

Daniel was pacing restlessly now. Who knew what kind of trouble Hawkeye was getting himself into?

"Relax, Dr. Pierce. I'm sure he's fine," Father Mulcahny tried to console the restless man, but nothing helped.

"FINE!" Daniel exploded, "my son's out there in the middle of a war! You think he's going to be fine! Walking around in enemy territory surrounded by mine fields, and you say FINE! Il signore aiuta la sua anima e lo protegge dai pericoli. ..." He took a deep breath to calm himself and not to scare the rest of the company that surrounded him. "I'm sorry, Padre." He dropped into a chair, the heel of his hand pressed to his forehead.

Margaret sat down next to him. "We'll find him…."

"Alright, people," Colonel Potter said walking back in, "Radar just went out to the nearby Korean villagers to warn them, and tell them to keep a look out. We have people up and down the roads and the enlisted men going out now to search. If he's within 50 miles of this camp, we'll find him."

"And if he's not….?" Daniel hissed.

Colonel Potter looked at him. "He is….don't worry."

Charles and BJ exchanged looks, both thinking the same thing. Colonel Potter might be sure that they would find him, as for the rest of them, well, they still needed convincing.

………

**Hawkeye **

There was an odd sort of serenity he found in the empty field over the hill. The sky was dark and grey, the trees were bare and dead, the grass rough and brown, yet…it was calm. Despite the grayness of the clouds there was no storm, everything was quiet. Yet he knew deep beneath the simple look of the field there was disaster waiting for him, the clouds that could break and cause rain to poor any minute: the ground beneath him that could tremor and crack, erupting into an earthquake. It was like him, he mused silently. Well, what everyone thought of him at least. They all just waited for him to explode, to crack, to break loose from the calm mask he placed upon his eyes.

But he already did, didn't he?

He was such a fun loving guy before….what happened...wasn't he? Calm, collected, no worries, no problems, so what happened? It was all a mask, all a facade to allure them away from the real him. The one who was so much like the earth he stared at 

She opted to search on her own. She knew it was a stupid thing to do, with the enemies lurking and the mine fields. It was a perfect chance to get abducted, but she just felt he knew where he would go, which couldn't be far. If only she could remember where he was last time he wandered off and Colonel Potter found him, where did he say…?

She found herself wandering around the camp aimlessly for a while, just thinking. He was depressed, that was fairly obvious, upset at least. He would want to think, want to be alone…where could that be…somewhere no one else would go…..not the mine field, even if he didn't know it was there, he could still read the huge sign that was plastered there...he wouldn't go to far down the road, for fear of getting caught….she was almost frightened about how much she could think like him…..so where would he be?

And then she knew it…..

………

And she found him there, just standing, over the hill, in the field that went on for a mile before it hit woods. Just standing, watching, a few yards from the camp, but no one bothered to look. She didn't approach him, she knew better than that. She would just let him think.

"Margaret…." His voice surprised her, she didn't expect him to acknowledge the fact that she was there.

"We were worried about you," she said as if it was some lame excuse as to why everyone panicked over the fact that he went for a walk.

"They shouldn't….I'm a big boy, I think I can take care of myself." There was an underlying tone of sarcasm that made her smile. He kept her back to her still.

"We know, we just….didn't want you to get hurt. What are you looking at?" She made her way a few steps closer, only two yards away now.

If he was surprised by the abrupt change in subject, he didn't say, just waved his hand lazily at the field. "What happened to it?"

She took another step, only five feet away. "It wasn't taken care of."

"Because of the war?"

Another step. "Yes, and the weather, it just wasn't a good piece of land." The hesitance in the way she spoke surprised even her. She took another step, she was right behind him now.

And then, with the quickness of someone who grew up looking over his shoulder, he spun around and grabbed her, crushing his lips to hers. She melted into his arms….it had been so long, but this, all of this, it didn't seem right. He pulled away almost as soon as he started. "I wanted…"

"What?"

"I wanted to see if I felt anything…if I still loved you…."

"Do you?"

He didn't answer at first, except he slowly dipped his head again and brushed his lips against hers, wrapping his arms around her waist, she let him, too, she had wanted to feel his arms around her again for so long, feel his presence, just know he was there.

She kissed back, entwining her fingers in his raven hair, pressing herself against him, begging for him not to stop.

………

Colonel Potter's Office

"No luck…."

"Damn…," the group stood solemnly in the office. No one daring to speak what they all feared to be true…..he was either dead or missing for good. "We can't give up though." Colonel Potter stood and pushed them all out. "I want you to look everywhere -"

"But, we've already looked everywhere," Radar started.

"Then look everyone again, every nook and cranny, we are going to find him, whether he wants to be found or not."

Daniel and Sidney were the only ones left in the office after everyone else had scattered out to continue looking. "I just don't get why we can't find him."

"Because he doesn't want to be found," Sidney offered, resting his hand on Daniel's stooped shoulder, who sat, with head buried in his palms.

"He's my son, I should know where he would go if something was bothering him…."

"Daniel, you don't know the country, and he's changed some I'm sure since he's been here. Don't give yourself such a hard time, we'll find him,"

Daniel smiled thankfully, "Thanks Sidney," he stood. "Has anyone ever told you, you would be a good psychiatrist?"

And they both laughed.

………

Margaret

They lay together, arms wrapped around each other tightly, just watching the stars begin to come out. It never occurred to her while they were kissing that she should probably go back to camp. Well, actually it did occur to her, she just pushed it out of her mind, savoring the moment, not knowing when she was going to get another chance like this again.

She rested her head on his shoulder closing her eyes at the familiar smell of the after shave on his shirt, and the steady beat of his heart.

He kissed the top of her head and she looked up into smiling blue eyes. "You know something," he said, "I think I could get used to this."

"What?"

"This….just lying here together. Did we do this a lot?"

"Sometimes, when we got the chance."

"I think……"he trailed off for a moment. "I think I would like to remember that."

Margaret smiled.

End Chapter 26

Lost and Found

The Midnight Kiss

Thanks drop me a review! And wait! Can I say it! I think I can or I'm close at least to….2000 WORDS! Duh Duh duh……that's when you know the world is coming to an end, I actually write a five page chapter!

Thanks so much for all my reviews and especially to Stephanie (my perfect beta) for the help and a bunch of other people, but there's to many to name (Geez…I sound like I'm making an Oscar speech)

I think I'm a couple words off…..damn….

Lord, help his soul and protect him from dangers...


	28. Chapter 28

**Authors Note: So longer this time, I think, I worked on it for a couple of extra days, so excuse the wait. **

**I also think I deserve a nice pat on the back, 2300 words….or somewhere around there, thank you bows deeply **

**This isn't over yet, I have a few more chapters, but its close, but this is NOT the last chapter**

**Chapter 28**

**The Healing Hands of a Father**

Margaret and Hawkeye walked into camp slowly, arms linked, talking softly. The other campers, who were running around frantically, froze at the sight. Colonel Potter was one of them.

"Where the hell have you been?" he bellowed, reaching them in quick steps.

Hawkeye visibly cringed, "I was out….eh….walking," he explained, releasing Margaret. "Margaret 'found' me and she kindly walked me back," his voice had a growing edge, a threatening edge.

"You're lucky you're not dead, boy!"

Anger and fear flashed in Hawkeye's eyes at the last word, "don't you dare call me that."

The Colonel looked more than a little surprised, and he knew he had done something wrong. "I'm sorry, son, you scared us that's all," he reached out as if to place his hand on in his shoulder.

Hawkeye flinched and wrenched away from the touch, "I think, I can take care of myself."

"I know, but you don't know where anything is, with the mind fields and all," he explained defensively.

"I know how to read! Colonel," he added as an after thought. "Now….Good Day," he snapped curtly and turning to Margaret bowed casually and said in a much softer voice, "thank you, la mia Signora (my lady)," and stalked off leaving a very sad Major and a very confused Colonel.

"What the devil did I do?"

"I think you called him 'boy,'"

"That's it! Why in the blazed did that get him upset?"

"Very simple really," said Sidney walking up followed by Daniel, BJ and Charles.

"Do tell," Charles said half-sarcastic, half-enthused, "but let me guess, he linked it some how to Jackson…?"

BJ sent a dangerous glare towards Charles for his nonchalant attitude.

"Yes, actually," Sidney said calmly, "that's exactly it. After learning about –," he cut himself off, looking around the compound at the various people who were now running around to call off search parties, "maybe we should go somewhere else."

"To my office."

………

In Potter's office BJ, seeing Hawkeye wasn't there to do it, began pouring drinks.

"I've heard rumors Hawkeye was found," Father Mulcahny said rushing in.

"Relax, Padre, he's safe and sound."

"Thank the Lord," he said crossing himself and dropping into a chair.

"Now, Sidney," BJ handed everyone a glass of 'good alcool' as Daniel called it, "please…continue," BJ said leaning against the desk and waving his hand.

Sidney picked up where he left off, "after I learned about what happened to Hawkeye, I called an old friend in the States who was used to dealing with this kind of stuff…"

Flashback

"Hello, George?"

"Sidney! I thought my secretary said Freedman. What have you been up to ol' chum?" the Irish man on the other line laughed.

"I'm over here in Korea, George, and I need to ask you something,"

"Having trouble with a case, Sid?" the voice dropped to a concerned whisper.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am," he then told a simple version of Hawkeye's story, leaving out names of course.

George let out a low whistle, "that's a tough on', what do you need to know?"

"Anything you can tell me. Got any advice after working on that Johnson kid?"

"Well for one, called Johnson 'boy' or 'kid' and he spazzed. Wouldn't come within a few feet of me after that, scared mindless."

"This seems different, George," his voice rose as the static increased, "he's got a lot of anger built up, was never really confronted until now,"

"Hmm….sorry Sid, don't think I can help with that,"

"Thanks George,"

"Good luck!"

End Flashback

"Damn," Potter cursed, "so this case is hopeless." He threw his cowboy hat on his desk.

"Not necessarily, last time I checked, the Johnson kid was living a full and happy life."

Potter didn't look convinced but didn't press him. "Well Sidney, I think you need to tell us the next step."

Sidney looked thoughtful, "Rad-"

Radar walked in, "yes sir, choppers expected in a couple of hours."

"Thank you, Radar."

"Yes, sir."

"Choppers, Sidney?" BJ questioned.

"Yep, I think it's about time we let him know how many people are really relying on him."

………

They all waited restlessly for the choppers, and when they finally came they were everything, but ready.

It was a light load, but Sidney figured it was enough to trigger something in Hawkeye's memories.

"You sure this is going to work, Sid?"

Charles did his annoying laugh/cackle, "that's all we need….a psychotic foreigner,"

"I'd keep your mouth shut, Winchester," Potter said, walking into the scrub room. "That 'foreigner happens to be our best surgeon. Now Hunnicutt what were you asking Sidney?"

"I was asking him if he was sure this would work – are you alright, Colonel?"

He sighed exhausted, "as soon as this passes I will be."

At that moment Daniel and Margaret walked in, "you feeling alright, Major" Daniel asked a humbled Charles. His accent seemed as thick as ever. "You look like a kid who got caught with his hand in a cookie jar."

Charles huffed at him, "where my hand is, be it in a patient or in a cookie jar, is none of your concern."

Daniel raised an eyebrow, "a little touchy are we, preoccupato, worried?"

Charles didn't answer, just stood and stalked away.

"What's his problem?"

"Nothing...who's getting Hawkeye?" No one wished to risk Daniel's temper, which they assumed would be just like Hawkeye's if they saw it.

"I will," Margaret hurried away before anyone could stop her.

………

She knocked softly, hoping, begging, praying that he would answer. No such luck. "Hawkeye," she knocked even harder, a knot forming in her stomach. "Come on Hawkeye it's me, open up."

At that the door opened and she was pulled in, the door slamming behind her.

"What are you doing, Hawkeye?"

The room was dark except for the moonlight through the window.

"I don't know," he was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands clasped, and head down like a reprimanded child.

Margaret sat down next to him, smiling at the fact that he didn't flinch, "we could use your help in O.R."

His eyes lit up and he smiled up at her, then seeing her face, the light faded and he looked down again, "I'm not a doctor," he said softly, refusing to meet her gaze again. "I'd probably just be in the way."

"Father Mulcahny and the Corporals help, they aren't doctors…come on," she grabbed his hand and pulled, dragging him to his feet.

He stopped and stared at her and she turned to smile reassuringly at him. Walking forward she placed a kiss on his cheek, "now, Captain, that's an order."

He smiled and let her pull him out the door, and out of the darkness.

………

The O.R was done. Hawkeye did everything he was told, which was expected. He had remained silent unless spoken too. The perfect slave.

He was incredibly stiff when speaking to Colonel Potter.

In Daniel's mind he seemed totally indifferent to the patients, to the nurses, to the doctors, very…unfeeling. Something the other Ben wouldn't do. He refrained from saying the 'real' Ben because he wasn't to sure what the 'real' Ben was like anymore.

After O.R Hawkeye had followed them into the scrub room, where he stood uncertainly in the corner.

Margaret walked over to him, not speaking. She had been thinking about what Daniel Said….

Flashback

"Margaret," Daniel dropped his voice to a whisper so no one else heard, "do you know why Ben has that 'love 'em and leave 'em' sort of attitude?"

The question captured the mere essence of randomness. "I figured it was just his style."

Daniel smiled, "ah-ha, that's what he wants everyone to think, but really," his face grew solemn again, "he's really only ever loved five women, his mother, who you know died when he was young, and three others…."

"What happened?"

"He told them the truth, everything about what happened with Jackson…and every single one of them left with the words, 'I don't I can handle such dangerous stuff, I don't feel I have to suffer just because you did….'"

Margaret didn't answer; she clenched her eyes shut to stop the anger from showing.

"He's just afraid of being hurt, Margaret."

"Who's the fifth?"

"Hmm….?"

"You said five women, who's the fifth?"

Daniel watched her for a moment, catching her eyes with his, "you."

End Flashback

So there she was, standing stupidly next to the man who claimed to love her.

Any other day, she would have claimed to love him, too, but not today….she wasn't sure if she did anymore. Daniel spoke of a whole other side of Hawkeye, a side she never met, a side she didn't know if she loved. She wasn't sure what she loved about him in the first place. Normally she would have said his wit, or his humor, but….not anymore. Sure she loved his wit, his humor, but was he really like that or was it just a cover-up?

She didn't answer when Hawkeye asked what was wrong; she wasn't going to hurt him, like Daniel thought she would. She could hear the accusation in his voice, when he said 'he was afraid of being hurt.' He doesn't want to see his son hurt, she could understand that, so she wasn't going to hurt him.

………

Daniel and Hawkeye were the only ones left in the Scrub Room, "you did good in there," he said just to break the uncomfortable silence. "You're a natural."

Hawkeye sent him an annoyed glare, but didn't respond. He wasn't even sure why he stayed.

"Lei bene, il Falco?" (You alright, Hawk?)

Hawkeye nodded his head, stubbornly, refusing to acknowledge the fact that he used a child hood nickname.

"You are not," Daniel finished scrubbing up and walked over to sit down next to him. Hawkeye spun his head away so he wouldn't have to look him in the eyes.

"Ben, you're acting childish," Daniel said trying a different approach.

Hawkeye stood and walked over to the sinks, leaning on the porcelain. Why the hell did he stay?

Daniel stood and walked to him, placing his hand on his sons shoulder, "Ben?"

Hawkeye flinched and stepped to the side. "Don't touch me," he hissed, glaring darkly, eyes venomous. He took another step back, towards the door, "stay away." He took another step back, "please, just stay away."

"Ben, stop, please, listen to me," he could see the panic building in his eyes, the fear and anger that had been there for so long, but never been noticed. "Please, son, I am trying to help you," his back hit the wall, causing the building to quiver. That drew attention and in ran the group, right behind Daniel.

Hawkeye had himself backed into a corner, his hands in front of him, warningly, "how can I trust you? How do I know you aren't going to betray me? Everyone else has, how do, I know you're not different?"

"Try Italian…." Sidney's voice was soft, "it might help,"

Daniel glanced back briefly at the psychiatrist before turning back to his disoriented son. He almost smiled at the progress Hawkeye had made towards the door in that briefest of glances.

"Il figlio, me ascolta per favore. Non vado dolerla (Son, please listen to me, I am not going to hurt you)." He knew his reasoning was illogical, but he had no other choice, "Lei è il mio bambino, non la dorrei mai! Niente me non potrebbe fare ciò fa (you are my child, I would never hurt you! Nothing could make me do that!)"

He took a step closer and instantly Hawkeye's back hit the wall when he took another step. His breathing was becoming labored, his mind fuzzy. Images kept flashing in his mind, of the countryside, a desert, children in cages, men taking them away. A woman was singing softly to a young child, it was him, and his mother. He screwed his eyes shut and held his head, pressing his back to the wall, slowly falling to the ground. He felt arms grab his shoulders and he wanted to push away, but something stopped him. Something told him that he could trust this man who claimed to be his father. He collapsed into the embrace, tears streaming down his cheeks, sobs racking his small form

They sat on the floor, Hawkeye trembling in his father's arms, "it's alright, son, I'm here, now," the soft Italian cooing lulled Hawkeye into a quiet state of mind.

From the opposite side of the room, the others watched with a mixture of relief… "...and guilt, each one thinking that if only they had talked and listed to Hawkeye more...but they all assumed so easily that everything was alright with him, because he laughed and joked as if nothing was the matter. He comforted them in their time of need, but really he was the one that need to be comforted….so they left that small room. There was nothing else they could do anyway, not anymore.

………

He didn't know how long he sat there after the others left; all he knew was that his son needed him. So he stayed there, gently rocking his trembling form as the psychological abuse began to heal. He was never going to let his happen to his son again.

TBC!

TBC!

It's not over yet, ventilatori…..


	29. Chapter 29

**This is a long one... **

**Long this time, I think….2400 words or something….not bad. **

**For all of you who have been pestering about the empty birthday thing in his record file, it is IN this chapter….you should be so proud…..**

**Chapter 29**

**The Cruel, Cruel World**

_And other thoughts about it_

Sometime in the midst of all that chaos, Radar found himself wandering. It was a horrible habit of his really; he could be doing so many other things, but today he felt like wandering. He would just stroll, rather casually, around and around the camp. Sometimes his walks would last for hours before somebody stopped him to tell him work needed to be done, and other times they lasted merely minutes.

Today was one of the days that he just kept walking and walking. House would pass with out him realizing it. He would think about things, sometimes the war, sometimes the people in war, and even at times he would wallow in self-pity and he would think about his family and wonder why he ever joined this army in the first place.

But today was different. Today he thought about the world and just the cruelty of it, heavy thoughts for some one so young. His Iowan naiveté didn't seem so strong now.

He thought about Hawkeye. He wondered how someone like him could be so tortured into being afraid of his own father. Radar felt a shiver run up and down his spine. These were dark thoughts, dangerous thoughts that he really didn't want to think about.

………

Margaret's thoughts weren't too far off from young Radar's. After they left Daniel and Sidney, BJ led her to the swamp where she broke down and sobbed into his friendly embrace. Whether she was crying for fear or relief she wasn't sure.

"Let it all out, Margaret," BJ crooned softly, rocking her gently. He was the only one who really knew the depth of her and Hawkeye's relationship. If anyone, he could understand.

………

Somehow Daniel had led Hawkeye back into his room, where he now slept, peacefully, literally. No dreams, no nightmares, and for this Daniel was glad. Hawkeye had already been through enough torture, he didn't need anymore.

Daniel gently brushed raven hair out of Hawkeye's eyes, smiling when he didn't flinch away from the touch. He rested his hands on his sons and laid his head down. Soon after, sleep claimed him.

………

They were all assembled in Colonel Potter's office again, this time with the additions of Klinger and Radar who had somehow found out the whole story.

"Where's, Dr. Pierce?" Charles asked innocently.

Potter gave him a sharp look, "with Pierce…..Hawkeye," he shook his head. "This is going to get confusing."

Margaret smiled through freshly wiped tears, "is he going to be alright?" Her voice cracked and another tear slipped. BJ placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.

Potter scanned the solemn group and let his eyes rest on the psychiatrist, "Sidney?"

"I can't say for sure."

Margaret closed her eyes at the words, the knot in her stomach tightening.

"This sort of case has never been documented before," he explained. "He had a psychological breakdown, probably from a sense overdose. The results change depending on the person. He could wake up and be perfectly alright…or as well as anyone in his position would be, or he could wake up and be crazy….literally,"

Klinger wisely kept his mouth shut.

"God help him," Father Mulcahny crossed himself. "Who would have known….Hawkeye of all people. He seemed so…happy."

"I'd say he's had lots of practice covering it up, covering all his feelings up." Margaret was still stuck on what Daniel told her.

Potter cleared his throat, "some one should go check on those two." They all exchanged looks, no one wanting to go, really. All afraid of what they might find.

"I will, Colonel," Father Mulcahny offered, "it's the least I can do."

………

_What in heaven's name possessed me?_ Mulcahny kept asking himself and then he would answer himself, _God possessed you, you are his messenger_.

So he walked down to O.R trying to look calm, he slowly peaked into the Scrub Room, empty. He wasn't sure what to make of that sign.

Letting himself in he crept through O.R then through Post-Op until he came to Hawkeye's private room. He stood uncertainly outside the door until he had enough courage to open it. So he did.

And there they were.

Hawkeye was curled tightly in a ball, head buried in his arms, shivering from the cold. Daniel sat in the wooden chair next to him, asleep, arms folded on the bed his head resting next to his sons, both breathing deeply and calmly.

Smiling gently he walked in silently and carefully covered Hawkeye with a blanket and Daniel with another. He said a soft prayer for both of them and left, leaving them to their peace.

………

Hawkeye woke up to warmth and a soft bed beneath him, which was unusual; he was still with Jackson, wasn't he? This was probably just new sick tortures, but….he wiggled his arms and legs, no restraints. He opened and closed his mouth, no gag, and no blindfold.

He opened his eyes slowly and was met by a blinding light, definitely not in that torture chamber; above him was an aluminum ceiling, a very familiar ceiling. He glanced around and felt weight on his right side. What the hell was his father doing here? What the hell is going on?

"Dad…." He whispered softly.

He thought about waking him, but decided against it, he could probably use the rest, he looked tired.

So he was alive, but Margaret….Margaret! He felt panic overtake him before he forced himself to relax. She was probably dead, the last thing he remembered was BJ and Charles, slavers…..he shuddered, now he didn't know what to believe about them…..they bought him, they paid for him, and for that moment, he was a slave again.

Taking a deep breath he settled back into the blankets and closed his eyes, he wasn't a slave now, that was for sure, so he was going to take advantage of every spare moment he had.

………

Daniel woke instantly, his head snapping up, going rigid. He could have sworn someone had said, 'Dad,' maybe he was dreaming, but it sounded just like Ben. He looked down at his son and smiled. He was curled up, arms hugging himself, shivering; the blanket that had mysteriously got there had slipped off of his slender shoulders.

Gently he pulled the blanket back up and tucked it around him. He leaned in and kissed him on the forehead like he did when he was a kid. "Stay with us, Ben," he whispered softly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "We still need you…"

…

He wanted to stay with him in case he woke up, but felt like he needed to get out of that suffocating room.

He stopped at the Swamp, but it was empty, as was Margaret's tent, and the Officers Club was devoid of anyone he was looking for. He finally found them all in Colonel Potter's office, where they all stared at him dumbly when he walked in. Normally he would have quipped naturally, getting a laugh out of them all, but not today, he was just too tired.

"Dr. Pierce," Father Mulcahny said walking over and extending a hand, "I don't think we were ever formally introduced, Father Francis Mulcahny."

Daniel shook, "hello Father. Daniel Pierce."

"How is he doing, Daniel?" Margaret asked hopefully.

"Still hasn't woken up. I was just coming out for a bout of fresh air."

Margaret stood, "you look famished. Let's get some food in you before we go see Hawkeye again." She pulled him out of the room with a simple nod at the rest of the group.

………

"How is he really, Daniel?" Margaret asked when they were seated with a cup of coffee, in her tent.

Daniel didn't respond. "I'm worried," he finally stated. "He hasn't woken up yet, so I don't know anything. I'm just afraid…." He trailed off.

"What?"

He sighed, "I'm afraid he's going to shut down again, act like nothing's wrong, afraid that we are going to have to start all over again…."

Margaret smiled softly, "I am too…."

They sat in silence for a while each lost in their own thoughts.

"Daniel….."

"Hmm….?"

"I remember when he first woke up he told me there was something special about some English word, but he didn't know what….Anit-….anitestablish arianism…..?"

"Antidisestablishmentarianism….when he was young and still grasping English, I would get mad at him and would say that word and he would think it was some fancy English curse word or something…." They both laughed.

"What about his birthday?"

"What about it?"

"Well, we've never celebrated it, when BJ and I looked in his files it wasn't listed…."

Daniel's face grew solemn, "he doesn't like to celebrate his birthday, or even acknowledge it."

"Why?"

"It was the same day his mother died….and then 3 years later the same day Jackson and he left for Africa…."

More uncomfortable silence followed.

"He's …he's had a hard life," Margaret said conclusively, "but he's so good at covering it up…."

Daniel smiled sadly, "yeah….I'm just afraid if he does get his memories back he's going to push us all away and hide from us again…"

"We won't let him this time."

"Thank you, Margaret."

"For what?"

"For helping him….you're always in the letters he writes, you know. At first it was about you being a tightwad, high-strung show-off and then slowly it changed….a couple of weeks before you went missing, he said to me he wasn't sure he would have survived this war without you." He smiled again, "he loves you Margaret."

Margaret looked down, "I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore…." She trailed off, "I'm not sure I know what he's like anymore. I'm afraid that when he gets his memories back, I won't love him like I used too, and I don't want to hurt him…."

………

Margaret literally forced Daniel into the VIP tent to get some REAL rest. She knew he must be tired...when he agreed. He ordered her to wait in Hawkeye's tent...

She walked in and found him sleeping peacefully, hair falling in his eyes, blanket pulled up to his chin.

She sat down next to him and gently stroked his cheek. Even in his sleep he let out a content sigh and leaned into her touch. "Hawkeye….." she whispered softly, letting her hand rest on his elegant fingers, piano fingers….she couldn't deny it, whether she knew him or not, she still loved him, yet hated him at the same time.

Hated him for nearly getting himself killed just to save her, hating him for pushing them all away, hating him for so willingly loving her, willingly put himself at risk of getting hurt again to love her. She hated him and loved him.

Tears pricked the corner of her eyes again and she gently caressed his cool skin, "please Hawkeye…." She rested her head next to his chest, his familiar scent washing over her.

Yes, it was true…she definitely still loved him….

………

Colonel Potter took another gulp of whiskey and slammed it back down on his desk. I-Corp had called and said they were on a temporary truce, so that meant in a couple of days the truce would end and they would get a hell of a lot of wounded.

"R-"

"Yes, sir?"

"Call the replacement doctors; I will be relieving them of their duty."

"Yes, sir," and Radar ran off.

He knew it was stupid to relieve them but with the three of them (Charles, BJ, and himself) back and the added hands of Daniel Pierce they would be alright.

But he had to admit he was worried. They couldn't afford to loose Hawkeye, he was literally their best surgeon. Daniel couldn't hang around forever. Potter wasn't just thinking about loosing Hawkeye's talent. He'd already seen what the camp is like when Hawkeye is hurt…it was a shy below chaos; he couldn't imagine what would happen if he died…and that wasn't even what he was worried about. If Hawkeye even lost his mind, which there was a chance, the camp would fall apart.

Potter never really realized how much this camp relied on Hawkeye; his devotion to his work is what kept there moral up. When he was angry, most of the camp was angry, when he was sad, the camp did their best to cheer him up again, and yet no one noticed anything. They didn't notice the shielded look in his eyes or the way he guarded himself from people.

Potter always wondered about his 'love 'em and leave 'em' attitude. He was such a caring man; Potter just couldn't see him normally being like that…he suspected that he was guarding himself. He'd been around long enough to know when people are acting or being sincere even with someone as good as Hawkeye.

……….

They didn't speak as they went through their normal nightly rituals. They didn't want to break the silence that gently wrapped them around a fake source of confidence. A confidence that kept telling them that any minute now Hawkeye would walk (or stumble) through the door of the Swamp laughing at them, explaining that it was some elaborate joke he and Margaret cooked up.

BJ shook his head and laughed to himself, Hawkeye was a joker, but he didn't think he would fake his own death. That would be going too far.

"What are you laughing at?" Charles snapped, turning another page in his book.

"Just thinking," BJ angrily returned. He was not happy with Charles…and that was an understatement. Charles had just been so….casual about the whole situation.

Sure Charles never liked Hawkeye, but he did save Hawkeye's life and seemed to semi-care, then Daniel shows up and Charles gets all snooty about foreigners….damn bastard….but that was just BJ's thinking.

Charles' thoughts on the situation were much different.

………

He never considered Hawkeye a friend. Hell, sometimes he had trouble thinking of Hawkeye as human with the amount of alcohol that man drinks. But he didn't hate him, or resent him. Dislike him, yes, but not hate.

Charles was simply bothered by the whole situation really, though that was no excuse for the insults he threw out about foreigners, but he couldn't help himself.

Maybe it was his mind telling him that he just wanted things to go back to normal, back to the way things were. He hated the fact that the man who was like a rock to his camp just broke, had been slowly breaking for a long time, there was just no one there to help put him together again.

**Chapter 29 **

**The Cruel, Cruel World **

**And other thoughts about it **

**TBC**


	30. Chapter 30

**AUTHOR'S NOTE READ IT'S IMPORTANT: Last chapter I know it's sad, but don't worry, I am definitely writing a follow-up story (about like his psychological healing and stuff) **

**Another Author's Note: Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, special thanks to 4077Hawk and HawkSoul and my wonderful beta Steph36, she's the greatest. **

**Chapter 30 **

**It's Just Beginning **

"Margaret…" BJ softly whispered trying to stir the blond nurse without startling her charge, Hawkeye. "Margaret….." he sang, "time to rise and shine…"

"Five more minutes, Hawkeye, I'm tired…" she groaned in her sleep.

BJ snickered evilly, "but honey, foods ready in the mess tent."

"BJ?" she cracked one eye open. "How long have I been sleeping, is it morning?"

"It is. Daniel told me to come gather you up, I'm taking over…."

Margaret stood and smiled at him then leaned over and kissed Hawkeye on the temple, muttering softly, "you can't sleep the rest of your life away, Hawkeye, besides I'm sick of hurting my back waiting for you." His head shifted to get away from the cool breath that was blowing in his ear.

She smiled again, this time with less hope, and started to leave.

"Oh Margaret?" BJ smirked at her, "what were you dreaming about?"

She blushed six shades of red, "none of your business," and stormed out.

BJ laughed. He could only imagine.

BJ sat down next to his still friend. "Hey Hawkeye…" he said softly and placed a hand on his arm. The reaction was instant; he tensed and flinched away, his breathing quickening.

BJ didn't pull his hand away, but tightened his grip….Hawkeye fought.

"Easy Hawkeye, It's me….BJ…." He didn't get why Hawkeye was fighting his touch, he was okay with Margaret…she was sleeping next to him for God's sake. "I'm not going to hurt you Hawkeye….easy…." Very slowly the fighting subsided and he relaxed.

BJ still didn't let go….normally he would have brushed off the incident, telling himself it was just a side effect of the trauma, but this time it was different. Something was bothering Hawkeye about BJ and that's why he freaked out. Hawkeye was scared of him…..

"Come on, Hawkeye…." He pleaded softly, releasing him at last and cringing when Hawkeye shied away, "Hawkeye just wake up. I'm a doctor and I don't know what's wrong with you….please, Hawkeye, you're my best friend…."

………

There was something about the man's voice….BJ, best friend. That just seemed so weird. BJ was the one who bought him from Jackson. But wasn't that to save him? He searched his memories for anything else and BJ kept turning up: they were laughing and joking and then at one time fighting. He shuddered and felt BJ gently grasp his shoulder, he tensed and the hand disappeared. Hawkeye relaxed, disappointed.

"Come on, Hawkeye…." BJ whispered softly.

Hawkeye wanted to open his eyes and say something, but he couldn't. He just wanted to talk to him.

"Hawkeye…"

……….

BJ could tell he was struggling, "come on Hawk."

Hawkeye moaned softly, "BJ…." His voice was weak and scratchy.

BJ felt his heart lift, "stay with me Hawkeye…" he grabbed the glass of water that was next to the bed. Slipping his arm under Hawkeye's shoulders, he tipped the glass. Hawkeye gulped it down. "BJ, What…?" his voice was still weak.

"Quiet." Hawkeye in turn let out a soft moan.

"Something hurt?"

"My….ribs, and…..back."

"Your ribs were broken."

Another moan.

"I'll get you some morphine." When BJ returned with the meds, Hawkeye was already fast asleep.

BJ smiled and sat back down to wait for his friend to wake again.

………

BJ fell asleep much later, just as the sun was going down. He slept soundly through the night and didn't wake until the next morning when Daniel came in.

Daniel's eyes lingered on the pain killer on the nightstand briefly. He walked over to BJ and shook his shoulder. The slumbering man instantly woke, head snapping up in surprise.

"Come on, Hunnicutt," Daniel said, "it's about time you got some real sleep."

"What about him?" BJ stood, motioning to the still sleeping Hawkeye. "Man, he sleeps a lot."

Daniel laughed, "'He'll be alright."

They both left with the logic of he doesn't need to wake up with the feeling of being watched like a baby chick by his mother hen….or hens.

………

Hawkeye very slowly and became aware of his surroundings, almost instantly realizing he was now alone. For the first time in a long time he completely relaxed.

He moaned softly. _God, I need a back massage._

His back…his whole body really….was killing him, probably from lying here for who knows how long, but he was still confused.

Why his father was here was his first question. It's not like he hadn't suffered physical abuse before. He was used to it, his father knew that….and as horrible as it sounded, and his father probably knew he deserved this torture. It was a child's mentality to think he deserved it, but that's what he grew up thinking, and as much as his father told him it wasn't true he couldn't help but not believe him.

Slowly he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, his socked feet coming into contact with the cold floor. Shivering, he pulled on his boots and jacket that hung at the foot of his bed.

His doctor's judgment told him to stay put, in bed, where it was warm under the blankets and where it was safe, but his stubborn side kept kicking in and he forced himself to stand and walk. A dizzy spell hit and he desperately threw his hands out to break his fall. He landed on the floor with a painful 'thump' and sat there silently, feeling dumb and useless. He wouldn't take that though; he shakily stood again and stubbornly walked to the door and out of the room.

………

BJ and Margaret were sitting in the Swamp when Hawkeye casually sauntered in. "Good morning, lady and gentleman," he said with that familiar air of wit and quirkiness. "What has my fellow swamp rat and friend been doing without me? Margaret, I bet you're dyin' for lovin'." They weren't sure exactly what surprised them more, the fact that his Italian accent was completely gone or the way he was guarding himself with jokes again.

Margaret recovered quickly, "what are you doing out of bed?"

"Margaret, I wish I'd known," he smirked, pouring himself, Margaret and BJ each a glass of gin.

BJ smiled, "let's go Hawkeye." BJ gently took his arm as if to lead him away.

"No." Hawkeye stated blankly, plopping himself onto his bed, taking another sip of gin.

BJ rolled his eyes, "Margaret…." He said desperately. Margaret shook her head and nodded to the door so Hawkeye couldn't see. BJ sighed and left.

As soon as the door closed after BJ, Hawkeye sat up and threw himself at Margaret, enveloping her in a hug. She relaxed into his arms and hugged back. "Hawkeye, we need to talk."

"I'm just glad you're alright, Margaret." he whispered, nuzzling her hair.

"Hawkeye." She pulled away to stare at him. "What is the last thing you remember, before you woke up?"

"BJ was leaning over me, after….eh…..we got out." he brushed his hair out of his eyes nervously, "you're sure you're okay, Margaret?"

"I'm fine. Do you realize how long it's been since that happened?"

"How long?"

"Two months."

Hawkeye just sat quietly for a moment. "Coma….?" He asked softly, refusing to meet her eyes.

"I wish it was….you woke up a couple days after we were rescued, but….you couldn't remember anything. Sidney and your father-"

"So that's why he's here."

Margaret smiled again. "Never heard you speak with an Italian accent before."

"Italian?"

She went on to explain everything that happened, the arguments, their kiss over the hill, Sidney's opinions, everything she knew.

When she was finished, neither spoke, both lost in their own thoughts.

"O.R?" he asked at last.

"We've managed, but I'm glad you're alright."

An awkward silence ensued, before finally Hawkeye leaned over and hugged her again, "I love you, Margaret," he whispered softly, placing a gentle kiss on the nape of her neck.

She responded instantly and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly. "I love you too," she pulled away briefly. "It's not over."

Hawkeye stared at her. "What isn't over?"

She shook her head, "never mind, just shut up and kiss me," she pulled him to her tightly.

He didn't need to know what she thought. She knew his battle wasn't over yet, even if he thought it was. It was still raging, each side tugging and pulling, waiting for the other to give. She just hoped the right side won.

**TO BE CONTINUED in another story, called The Man Within the Smile (a special thanks to 4077Hawk for the title)**


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